Tuesday, October 4, 2022

Oct 2022- 3 months into trial

 




Hello all. My cousin asked me how I’m doing and the message was so long that I was like, ‘Wow, I think it’s time for a blog post!’ She had said I looked good in a photo, and I told her, ‘You should see me with no hair or makeup on. I look like a legit cancer patient.’  She then asked how I am feeling besides the hairloss and this was what I sent to her:


Ugh. I’m okay. But like, I’m just a little okay? Haha. I’m so tired from the med, it’s hard to get through my day. And yes I have the GoFundMe me but I hate the idea of canceling all of my clients as I’m booked into November.  I’m so close with my clients, it’s not just random people. How do I even pick who to cancel? If a client does cancel, I try not to fill that spot and make my day shorter. 


My body is so itchy and dry. Everywhere. The dryness is now worse then the itch.. my skin feels like paper, it’s so rough snd scaley and like, cracked. So most movements I feel. (And yes I’ve tried a ton of different products.) And when I say feel, it feels like it’s going to rip. If that makes sense? I don’t know, kind of hard to explain. 


Those three things - hairloss, fatigue and dry skin- are the main things I’m dealing w. Luckily I’m not nauseous, but I don’t have much of an appetite. I’m trying to eat plenty but my weight is dropping and I’m getting back to that yucky skinny look.. (I just added some protein shakes to my Walmart order.) 


My eyes are also so dry. Mayo has been meaning to get me in for another eye appt because of being on this med, but they are so busy and the times have not worked out! The plan is to be seen in Nov as of now. Which I go this coming Sunday to Mayo for vitals, so the Nov appt is less then 5 weeks away. Also the Nov appt is when I get my scans. And if spots are growing, I’m done w this trial. If things are stable, I’ll continue. So that’ll be interesting to find out. Definitely will have anxiety leading up to those scans.  Of course I want this to be my miracle drug and work at shrinking spots, but that also means continuing on this med!  It will be worth it if areas are shrinking though. 


Sorry this was such a long message! Ha. I haven’t wrote it all down before, it’s quite a lot I guess. I should probably write up a blog post. 


Maybe if I have enough eyelashes left and can get some lashes back on at my appointment  today, I will feel a little more human. Hopefully. 


I have a few hairs left on my head, so I will continue w the topper which needs hair to clip into, to hold it on. But once my new wig comes in, it’s definitely time to shave what’s left off. There is barely any there and what’s there,  is still falling out. 


I’m so thankful hair and makeup disguises it all. But when I get home and take it all off, I’m like yiiiikes. Don’t look in the mirror. And my poor kids need to see me like this. I don’t know what they are thinking.

 

But I’m also okay. I get through my day. I relax before and after work. I still smile and laugh each day. I’m still here for my kids. I’ve made this daily life doable for me right now. 




t takes a lot for me to post this picture. But I’ve always been very open in my blog. This is me WITH a little makeup in my eyebrows. I look sickly. Gross




Although it takes a lot of work, I am so thankful for makeup and hair. At least I can look and feel a bit more normal with it on. 




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