I still have zero results! It was sent out for a third "second" opinion!
What. The. Hell.
I have an appointment with Dr. Corsten, who did the surgery with Dr. Kassam. I am nervous because he will probably put something in my nose and I don't want him touching it! Ugh. I hated it last time he put the scope in to look around.
A lot of people message on FB or text me saying "Good luck! Hoping for happy news!" I keep telling them that the hospital is going to call me with the results. Today is strictly just looking in my nose and ear.
My mom decided to wait in the waiting room because I was going to have a scope again and it was something she didn't want to be in the room for.
Dr. Corsten came in the room, said I looked great, shook my hand, then sat on his little stool by me and told me that they are still waiting on the results from Johns Hopkins, but they are pretty positive it's cancer. Cancer.
Oh, Lord.
He said there's a slim chance it could be benign, but they really don't think so. When results get in they will call me. We will probably go into surgery again and remove what we can. Then radiation, maybe chemo. Depending on what kind of cancer it is, depends on the route we are taking.
I handled the news well. I didn't cry. At one point, walking to the car I wanted to, but I didn't let myself. We are going to get rid of this. There is no other option.
My kids need me. I think I have a positive outlook on life and hope that works in my favor.
Dr. Kassam had a feeling it was cancer from the second we were in surgery and since then, twice he has said" it's nothing we can't handle." I'm going to go with that motto.
(And the scope did not hurt in my nose at all. I think the reconstruction surgery helped with that!)
So, after I was through with Dr. Corsten and left the room I had to break the news to my mom...
I hated the idea of needing to do this. We didn't come prepared to hear this. No one wants to hear that their child has cancer. And I need to be the one to break it to her! She is more emotional then I am and I always made her be "strong" for me. I didn't want to see her crying about me. She has this breathing thing she does to help keep her calm whenever we are waiting for results or hear bad news...I can handle that. My mom took the news well.
I can still remember her face when I told her. But she did not cry.
We sat in the car for about two hrs before calling my Dad. We don't want to break the news to people. That's what would make it real. I don't want everyone to be like, "Oh Val, I'm sorry," or crying, or anything like that. I just don't want to deal with it. I know that sounds kind of mean, but it's hard to console others when you are the one who is sick.
Once we were out of the city, we stopped at a cafe called Rangers. I ordered a grilled cheese and fries. Every time I drive by there now, I think of this day. My mom and I ate and were pretty quiet. It's one of those times where we didn't even know what to talk about.
And we both had so many questions but no answers for them..."
