First Few Days Back Home

Over the next few days, everything was too loud for me! After a year of having muffled hearing I had to get used to "normal" hearing. 

('Normal' is going to be something I seem to use a lot in this. What was 'normal' is no longer my normal, but its what I always try to get back to. For my kids sake...for myself. I was happy were I was in life. I just wanted to go back to that 'normal' life of mine. But it's a struggle. I want to go back to what was my normal, but normal isn't normal anymore.)

People chewed too loud. 
My car made weird noises I had never heard. 
At the gas station, trucks that went by with trailers were too loud. 
My kids talked to loud. 
I was constantly telling them to "talk quieter, close your mouth when chewing, drink slower so I don't have to hear it." 

I wanted to plug my ears! 

The first time I tried driving was horrible. I felt kinda dizzy, and my reaction time seemed like it was off...so after the first day trying (9 days out) I didn't drive again for a few more days. Then, I became comfortable with short drives.

I hated having to rely on people to bring the kids and I everywhere. I've always been an independent person and to rely on others seems foreign to me. There were so many people willing to help, that wasn't the problem, but it was just odd for me.


Things were going okay though. I'd been taking a lot of naps and bringing my box of kleenex everywhere I go. I still had no taste and I was worry that it was gone for good!

(Oh...and 2 days into being home, my cat decided to have four kittens on my bed next to me while I napped! You have no idea how entertaining this was!! Haha.  My kids and I loved having the kittens! They were so cute and fun. All were given to good homes too!)

My favorite! She was a blonde! haha

All four kittens- blonde,orange and two gray

They were so darn cute when they were teeny!!

Biopsy results day. 6 days after surgery

Ok. Today is quite nerve wracking. 

So many answers. I'm so excited to see the doctor, but also scared. 

Do I have cancer (praying to God every day that I don't) or do I not have cancer? Meds after this or surgery again? Surgery through my nose or my skull? Going home tonight or do I still need to stay here?

I don't mind any of those options besides the cancer. 

My babies need me. I am their life support. The 3 of us are very close. Shaya sleeps in my room most nights still. She also showers with me most days. (Lol.) We have our own little ways and routines.  Rease is my little partner. He is the man of the house!

My tumor seems to be in too difficult of a spot to remove it all. Many nerves (hense the numb face) and my carotid artery are right there. So it can't be cancer.  It needs to be something that some medication or radiation can get rid of...and we can call it a day!

We all know that whatever comes my way I am going to deal with...but I like to think that I am not giving cancer the chance to happen. 

Say a prayer,  wish me luck,  do a little dance. Whatever it is you do for good vibes, I need them today!

Update: so as my mom and I pulled into the hospital and drove up and down the entire parking garage to finally find a spot, I  get a call from my doctor's nurse saying the results aren't in.  Boo...not happy. We are scheduled for Tuesday at 12:30 now. 

We went inside to use the bathroom and decided to go to my doctors clinic office and make sure it was okay for me to drive the 6 hours home. In there the lady contacted the nurse and she said yes she hasn't changed her mind since I've talked to her a bit ago. Ok, I understand that but do you know how far home is from here?!  I told my mom 'lets just go home.' I was a bit upset with the nurses attitude toward us. 

Off we went and as we walked through the cross-walk that separates the clinic from the hospital, we ran into Dr. Kassam! I was so happy to see him! He told us it was okay to go home. He said the biopsy went out for more extensive testing.  

What the heck does that mean? Not sure what it is? They know its cancer and want to figure out more about it? 

Ugh. Great. 

Nothing like waiting at least 5 more days. So, we headed home, but at least we had the peace of mind that Dr. Kassam said it was okay to go.

First 6 days after surgery #1

We stayed at my moms friend Bes' house, about 30 minutes outside Milwaukee. My doctor thought heading home Sunday (which was our plan) was too soon. He asked us to stay until Wednesday when we had our next appt with him.

Bes' house is THE perfect house to recuperate at. She has a big beautiful home on a lake. Her 3 kids are graduated and living elsewhere so my Mom and I got the upstairs to ourselves. Bes is an awesome cook and she made so many amazing meals. The downside to that was my taste was going to be gone for a few weeks so everything I ate looked amazing, but I actually couldn't taste it.  My nose was still bleeding and would be for a few weeks too. It's a bit like having a runny nose, but with blood instead. I always had my box of kleenex with me!

Still sporting the gauze at bed time! I didn't want blood all over the pillows.

Kleenex and water everywhere I go

Day 4: I've been itching to feel a bit "normal" so my mom's friend's daughter took me to the nail salon.  I got my fingers polished and a pedicure. After we went for a quick round through Marshall's because it was next door.  

Holy cow. I am  exhausted. 

As in, seeing double-weird sensations-feel like the numbness in my face is accentuated-kind of tired.

From getting my nails done?!  

I went right up to get in bed and take a nap. I'm happy my nails are done, but definitely not ready to go out and about yet. We were going to be going out to eat for dinner, but luckily plans changed! 

I was a bit worried about traveling in two days. I'm shocked that so much energy is taken from having surgery that didn't seem very invasive.

My dad left once I was out of the hospital. He was a rockstar at taking care of me in there!

Kent came as often as he could    :)

Days in Hospital After Surgery #1

I was only in the hospital for two days. I thought that is quite amazing to have brain surgery and be out so soon.

I had very little pain. Tiny bit of numbness on the right roof of my mouth and a drop on my lower right lip. But that I could live with and was told over time it would probably improve.

Another side affect I was told about before surgery, is that my right eye was no longer going to cry. Going in through my nose was going to mess something up on the inside that made tears. My eye might get dried out a little easier and I'll just have to have eye drops on hand if needed. So far though, I couldn't tell a difference at all.

I am also not a crier.

The photo below, was a Sunday morning when I planned to meet my dad at church, I woke up too late to go. And for some reason, it really bothered me.

Maybe I just needed a good cry! I don't know.

I had to document my first cry with tears! The right has none flowing!

The only thing that had me worried the entire time was before leaving the hospital I was going to have tubes and cotton pulled out of my nose. I'm not sure why, but I was more nervous for this than anything else! I still had a strip of gauze taped to my nose to help keep any dripping blood from going anywhere.

So, the time came to get everything removed from my nose.  One of Dr Kassam's nurse practitioners came in. (He has 4 of them and they are all amazing. One is "assigned" to me, but I've gotten to know them all well.)

*My mom had to leave the room because she couldn't watch. My mom doesn't like the gory details about my surgeries.  Anything that she thinks is going to cause me pain she doesn't want to witness. My dad on the other hand, find things cool and interesting like me. Dr Kassam gives me the basic details on a surgery they did to me, but Dr. Corsten gives me a lot more details on what went on and I love hearing all of it! I find it all so interesting and amazing. So my Dad stuck with me in the room while the NP went to work.*

First she removed the tubes. That was nothing. I didn't even feel them come out.

Next, it's the sponge things. Ugh. This was disgusting. It felt like water was being shot up my nose and blood started pouring out everywhere. The sponges were 4 inches long and the whole thing was in my nose!

She let me take a little breather and hold a cloth up to catch the blood. I could feel it running down my throat. Then it was time to do the other side.

Here we go...same thing. Maybe a drop better because now I knew what to expect.

I sat with a few cloths for a while till the blood slowed down. I've never had a nose bleed so this was pretty strange for me. Next, I grabbed a mirror to take a look at me nose. It looked perfect. Well, as perfect as my nose is gonna look! But there was no swelling or anything! My Dad and I were shocked! Besides walking around with a box of kleenex to dab the dripping blood, no one would have any idea I just had surgery.

I was given orders that I can not lift anything over ten pounds, no bending over, no exercise, nothing that can cause pressure on my head. I also was to try not to sneeze or cough. The sneezing I was worried about because I felt like I usually sneezed many times a day! I luckily had no problems with this. It was weeks before I sneezed for the first time and it went great! No pain at all.

Tubes and sponges about to come out!

  

Here they are..

                                                                         Survived removal!

besides the little bit of crusted blood on my nose, you can not tell I just had surgery on it!

Night: Post Surgery

When I woke up after sleeping a few hours I felt so much better.  I was introduced to my new nurse for the night shift.

Her name was Gina and I instantly knew I was going to like her. She asked if I wanted a pop or anything to drink other then water and said she would heat up my lovely looking broth (dinner came while I was sleeping).  I said sure to the pop and still had my water close by.

It was probably about 8 p.m. now.

Every hour, all night long she had to keep doing this little "test" on me: "whats my name,  where are we,  and whats the date."  Then, I had to squeeze her fingers, then move my feet against her hands - pushing and pulling. She also checked my eyes. One was off for a little while, but it eventually went back to the same size as the other.

I asked if there was a mirror I could use. I was curious to see what I looked like! My rolling table actually had a little drawer with a mirror on it so that was perfect!

I had the gauze on my nose, but some dried blood was still on my face, along with sticky spots and some orange color from the cleaning wipes. I cleaned myself up.

Then my parents came back. They liked how I looked and acted much better then a few hours prior!  I seemed much more normal to them!

I asked for my phone and my purse which had makeup and my toothbrush in it.  They had it in a locker all day at the hospital, so they went and grabbed it for me.  They stayed and we chatted a while. They brought me up to par on the things I didn't remember.

I had lost a lot of blood during surgery and needed a couple units of blood.  I also had such a messed up nose my ENT,  Dr. Corsten, spent the first few hours reconstructing the inside of that.  They said it looked like I had broke it a few times and he didn't know how I was even breathing out of it.  My parents and I cannot come up with a single time that I had hurt it! So strange!

I vaguely remember hearing shortly after surgery that only a portion of the tumor was able to be removed.

That definitely made my heart sink. We had all hoped they would 'go in, get the tumor out and call it a day.'  But, that wasn't the case.

The part removed went out for testing.  My doc said it "bakes in an oven " for about a week.

Ok, let's do the waiting game again.

My hearing was so good (from getting the tube in my ear) I could hear everything and my voice wasn't loud in my head anymore. I was thrilled! I shouldn't deal with earaches anymore either.

My parents eventually left for the night and I slept off and on. Was woke every 2 hours for neuro-tests with my nurse and we chatted about a lot of things, too!

One IV and the oxygen clamp on my finger. You can also see bruising from trying to get IV's in the day before

Another IV and the blood pressure cuff. Always hooked up to many things! I have wires for the heart monitor too.

Surgery day! June 19, 2014

The night before and morning of surgery went just like the previous day (showers with the weird soap and no conditioner in hair). My throat now had a bit of a tickle to go with my congestion. I was still so worried they were gonna cancel me. I Googled. With some surgeries they do...yikes! Last thing I wanted!

That morning we were like pros. Said goodbye to my parents knowing I'd see them a bit later.

Weighed again, pee test again, all that. Everyone kept saying let's try this again! They all remembered me which was nice. My nurse from the day before peeked in my room to say hi also. They were all so great.

Stripped down and wiped with the sticky pads again. Then my parents came in and the nurse did too.  Time for the IV.

This attire became a regular for me!

Oh, great. Let's do this again.

I clued the nurse in on yesterday's experience. She tried a similar, but bit different area. Got the IV in! Awesome!

Tested the fluid...blew the vein. Here we go again. Lol.

So now she is looking at the same arm, but on my forearm. I don't see or feel a vein and think it's not a good option... but I give her the benefit of the doubt.

(She knows what she's doing, right?!?!)

Sure enough she got it! Smooth sailing! I could instantly tell it worked, I felt nothing.

She asked a lot of the same questions as the day before and then I had asked when the neurology lady with the wires was coming in. (A bit worried someone was gonna forget today since it all had to be rescheduled). A little while later she came in. Got me all hooked up again.

The anesthesiologist came in and I told him my congestion was horrible. He had no worries. Said with the breathing tube in it didn't matter. Okay, sweet!

He explained that he would be by my side the whole time. And he would be putting more IV's in for different meds and one to prep in case I need blood.

Sounds good! I'd already be out when that happens, so I didn't mind.

I was told the first hour is the nurses and anesthesiologist prepping me. Catheter, IV's, and the wires getting hooked up.

So after our talk he left and one of the docs needed to come in and mark what ear was getting the tube. One of the nurses came in with the hair net thing. (Oh man! This is when I'll be looking REALLY cute!) And it's getting really real!

Now, Dr. Kassam peeks in. He says hello and we have a little chat. I don't remember much about that, but he did put an X near my collar bone marking the ear for the tube. (Fluid was stuck in my ear from the pressure of the tumor so the tube will help it drain and I should be able to hear better) Then he left and it was time to get going.

Oh, Lord... I wasn't letting myself get nervous. No reason. Just do it, soon it'll be all done. Literally "seconds," it will feel like for me, I was told. This will be easier then my tests days! Always being poked, waiting for doctors and nurses, waiting for tests.  It'll be much harder on my friends and family waiting for me to get out of surgery.

So, two ladies decked out in surgery clothes come in and introduce themselves. They are taking me down and will be in there the whole time with me. (I make sure I'm extra nice to them so they know I'm a good person and they take good care of me! Hahahaha)

The nurses explained to my parents that someone will keep them updated. If they leave someone will call and if they are in the waiting room someone will come out. I knew they planned on doing both... they like to go outside the hospital and walk.

My parents and I always took a pre-surgery photo.

So it's time.

My parents get up and hug and kiss me. We say goodbye. No crying (from my mom) thank God.  I didn't think I was going to, but if someone started,  I maybe would have.

Then the nurses start pushing my bed out of my room. I felt a bit dumb on the bed being pushed.. I was perfectly fine to walk but I know this is procedure. My parents end up following us because the nurses are showing them their waiting room (which was nice and big and had sleeping rooms) along the way.

We said bye again.

Somewhere along the walk a person all scrubbed up walked by, but I wasn't paying attention. After they passed he said "Hey is that Valery?!"  It was my ENT (official title, otolaryngologist, head and neck surgeon) Dr Corsten. He works side by side with Dr. Kassam for all of the endonasal surgeries. They work together as a team often. He is very well known in Canada, and that made me feel even more comfortable with these doctors! So we all took the elevator up together.

I wait outside the room for a short bit with some nurses. Then it is time!

Into the operating room we go.

Once inside the big, cold, white square room with white machines and tvs all over, the nurses introduced themselves. (Maybe 4 or so more on top of the two who pushed me in?!) They said about 20 people would be in there during the surgery.

The operating table is very skinny. I was surprised by that, but it makes sense when operating the doctors need to be close.

My anesthesiologist put something in my IV.  I missed what he said and asked again and he said it was a calming med. I said okie dokie!

I helped transfer myself from my bed onto "the table". It was a bit soft with a sheet on it. There was a little cradle thing for my head. Felt comfy. As I got on there they asked me to untie the back of my gown so I wouldn't be laying on the knot for hours.

"Okay. Sounds good!" And that, is the last I remember.

The set up in the operating room (not my surgery)

So, either what I got in my IV was more then "calming" or I was "so calm" that I don't remember being awake a bit longer! Happy surgery! :)

Waking up, all I remember is some guy (probably the anesthesiologist)  saying something like, "Val, wake up... Time to wake up... ".

Then I remember  being in my hospital room.  Two female nurses. One light hair and one dark. One's name was Anna (Sounds like On-a). I remember thinking a great childhood friend of mine is named that too.

Then I remember a male checking these wire things attached to my chest. Three above my boobs and two below. I remember thinking, "OMG  he is seeing my boobs!"  But I didn't have enough energy to care.

Then I remember my parents voices. I had a piece of gauze taped to my nose. A few IVs. Things on my legs that squeezed then released.

The look I sported for a few days.

I remember my lips and mouth were so dang dry, I couldn't handle it. My dad asked for some Vaseline. He put it on my lips and that helped a lot.

But my mouth - it was like a desert.

I couldn't drink yet because anesthesia makes you nauseous and I couldn't puke after the surgery I just had. No throwing up or sneezing. I was already worried about it because I got nauseous having both of my kids... so I had meds before and during surgery to help with it.

Now, I need a drink so badly and I can't. I just had more meds for nausea because I felt a bit like I was going to throw up. I don't remember that part. I guess after 30 minutes they could do more to help me out.

I must have been complaining about being thirsty quite a bit though. Eventually my dad could give me a stick with a wet sponge on it to wet my mouth. I think my eyes were still closed. I'm not sure.... I never saw the "sponge on a stick."

Finally, he could give me ice chips. I let them sit in my mouth and melt to water. Heaven.

And a while after that I got water through a straw. Thank God!!!

I was told my throat would be "scratchy" from the breathing tube. Um no, more like I felt like I had strep throat it was so bad! Half my mouth felt numb.

I faintly remember seeing Dr. Kassam.

I remember being so tired, my aunt and mom chatting and it seemed too loud. So the next time she came in my room near me I said I was tired and needed a nap.

She said "sure go ahead we will sit over here."

I said "you guys are too loud." Lol!

They told me to sleep and they would leave for dinner and come back.  Perfect.

So off to sleep I went. With my water right by me. And my numb mouth. And my hurting throat.

But I was oh so tired.

The First Surgery...Almost

It's Tuesday night and I just got to Milwaukee. My kids are with their dad. We (my parents and I along with my Aunt and her boyfriend) decided to go to a tapas restaurant for dinner, which was amazing! I definitely had to live it up since I couldn't have anymore food or water after midnight.

We got to my aunt's house around 10 and it was time for me to do my shower routine. There was a soap they had given to me that I needed to use the night before and morning of surgery.  So, first I needed to wash my hair with only shampoo (no conditioner), then use this soap which is basically a sponge  on one side, with bristles on the other for your nails.  Luckily, it didn't smell bad! I also had to put clean pajamas on and sleep in clean sheets.

My allergies were bothering me and I was pretty congested so I think that helped me fall asleep. I didn't sleep great, but I wasn't laying there all night. In the morning, I got up to shower again. The same routine except I didn't have to wash my hair again. Then, put clean clothes on again to wear to the hospital (and come home in).

                                                                 Dropping the kids off

I think now is when a lot of people start freaking out. If I wasn't so sick of being tired and having headaches, I think I probably would have been, too. But let's get the ball rolling! Off to the hospital we went.

(Let me remind you, I love my mascara.  This is one of the first times I left the house with zero on! I felt "naked" in a weird way. No makeup, jewelry, or nail polish. No acrylic nails either! It's been 5 years with no break of having those! I wouldn't say I'm a "high maintenance" girl, but I have fun with the girly things and it goes hand in hand with my job.  So, "naked"  Val, in her clean zip up hoodie and yoga pants is off to the hospital.)

We needed to get to the 3RD floor to "Same-Day Surgery." Luckily we were at the hospital so early that a parking spot was easy to find. Sometimes we would be driving up and down the parking ramp forever to find one! Same day surgery also had some reserved spots for us. My mom always wanted to park in these spots and unless I was having surgery that day I'd keep driving until a normal spot was open! Haha. So the days that we could actually use those spots were great!

Once we got inside, I got whisked off right away. I started saying goodbye to my parents and the nurse said "This is just to get you in your gown. You will see them again."

Ok great! I wasn't prepared to say goodbye yet!

Off I went with the nurse. Blood pressure, temperature, weight, and a urine test to make sure I'm not pregnant.

Then she brought me to my prep area.  It had 3 walls with a TV, bed, and monitors.  The fourth wall was a curtain.  She told me to wipe down with these antibacterial wipes and then put the gown on and hop in bed.  The wipes were warm which felt great but left my skin sticky and cool for a few minutes.  After that was finished,  I climbed in.  The nurse came back and asked me questions as she typed on the computer.

Do you wear contacts? No.
Do you wear dentures?  No.
Do you have a pace maker?  No.  (Guess it's standard!)

My parents showed up and took a seat in the two chairs next to my bed.  (The TV was on and we are watching the news about a tornado that might hit down. Not right in Milwaukee, but just outside of it.  My mom was worried the doctors and nurses may not make it for my operation!)

The nurse was putting an IV in.  She tried the back of my wrist, which I prefer because I can still bend my arms.  My veins are super visible and had been told they were "good" before.

Well. Guess again.

They look great, but the IV gets stuck half way in! She even had to get a little metal thing to push in my vein, which went in, but the IV still wouldn't. They had to give me a numbing shot, which has a slight sting and made a bump on my arm, but after that I did't feel much of them trying to get the IV in, so that was nice. I never had that before.

The nurse decided to try my other arm.

Failed again.

What is wrong with my veins!

Because of the numbing shot I don't feel the needle go in, but once it gets stuck, I can feel it! The nurse had a rule that if she tries three times and can't get it then it's someone else's turn to try.

Ok. Great.

As we wait for another nurse, a lady from a neurology team came in to hook me up to a bunch of sticky wires. Four sticky things on each foot and wrist, one big one on my chest and she put a bunch of x's on my head. I assume during surgery there will be more. She wiped with an alcohol swab,  scrubbed each spot with 'sand paper' and then put the sticky thing on.

By this time, it's probably been about 45 min without much action and it seemed a bit weird. A nurse popped in once to do my IV, but was called out.  Next thing I know, two nicely dressed ladies come in and introduce themselves.

One of them I had talked with quite a bit over the phone. They tell us Dr. Kassam has been in emergency surgery all night and would like to move our surgery to- tomorrow morning.

OMG. My heart sank. My eyes teared up.

After a bit,  I said "okay, we understand."  Of course I wanted him to be rested when he operated on me. Its hard though because I was so prepared for the surgery. This person was obviously in worse shape then me, needing an emergency operation in the middle of the night!

So it's set for 8:30 the following morning. Now all I want to do is get unhooked from everything so I can get out of there and eat and put some makeup on!

It had been such a mind game. I was mentally ready for it and now a change of plans.

The rest of the day we sat around, napped, went to a movie, did a bit of shopping, and then had sushi for dinner. I was too congested to even taste and enjoy the sushi. My congestion was getting worse and I was nervous they would cancel surgery because of that.

Ugh.

Get me back to my aunts so I can do my shower routine. AGAIN.

IV and wires

I have 4 people that were very important to me that I believe are looking down on me and helping me through all of this.
    First would be my Auntie Liana. She passed away when she was in her late 20's from a very aggressive brain cancer called Glioblastoma. She was only 7 years older then me. I always thought she was so cool, I would be in middle school, she would be in high school, always in the next step that I couldn't wait to get to. I was living in Az when she passed away and it was really hard on me. It was a battle that lasted over a year and I saw her once during that time. My parents were in Milwaukee every weekend to be with her once she moved into hospice. I think of her often and wonder what she would be doing if she were still here on earth with us

My beautiful Aunt

The next person is my Grandpa Penegor. He passed away in 2011. He is the only grandparent of mine not living today and I am so grateful for that. He was funny and great! He had many awesome stories for us and so many songs and sayings that will still say today.  We all miss him so much.

Shay and I with my grandpa

I often think of a lady we called Grandma Jan. She was not my grandma but she took my Mother's great friend under her wing.  Grandma Jan started coming to Amanda and I at the salon. I did her hair and she did her nails. We loved having her there and we always had so much to chat about. She was super caring and thoughtful. She had heart problems that she did not tell us about and one morning, she did not wake up.

Sweet Grandma Jan

And lastly, I think of my Mom's cousin Mary. She lived in AZ, so we did not see her very often, but she was an awesome lady! So fun and full of spark! She was a hairdresser too and when she was home, I'd have her do my hair. When I moved to AZ, she helped me find a place to live and my Dad and I stayed a night with her when we first got there. She was in a freak car accident and passed away.

Here she is cutting my great aunties hair

The Beginning.

Hello!  Here I am writing a blog.  Never have I wrote one or expected to write one but I keep going over all these little details of my recent life and I don't want to forget them over time. I'm not a great writer so don't expect some ilaborate thing! I just figured its time to start writing down this experience.  Maybe it will help somebody else.  Its definitely one that most people haven't had and never will.  Thank God.  I hope you enjoy it! Or at least find it interesting! I will warn you that there may be some pictures that are too graphic for some!

It started with my ear. One day I began having a hard time hearing out of it. Eventually, I started getting earaches, and I had never had an earache before. I kept going to the walk-in clinic for antibiotics. I was assuming that I must be coming down with an allergy of some sort. I friend of mine used to have very similar side affects before finding out she had many food allergies. After dealing with this for almost a year I had started taking Motrin daily because my ear and head around my ear was constantly hurting. The antibiotics weren't even working anymore.

I did not have insurance for a few years. Renting my station at the hair salon makes me 'my own boss'. So insurance was not offered. I had been lucky to be healthy and never needed it thankfully. On New Year's Eve of that year though I was in so much pain that I decided to go online and find some insurance! I knew I needed to get a decent one because I figured I would probably need a lot of allergy testing and what not.

One day, a few months after having insurance,  I had noticed I had a weird feeling on my right cheek and my tongue. It was a bit tingly when I would touch my cheek or run my tongue on my teeth. So, that day a decided I better get an appointment, pronto! I had previously tried to get one 2 months prior, but the doctor I wanted to see was busy for more then a month out, so feeling frustrated, I said I'd call back.  This time, when I called, I said I would see anyone. They had an opening for me the next day.

At the appointment, once I told them I had the weird sensation, they scheduled me for a CT. This appointment was on Wednesday, May 7, and the CT was scheduled for that Friday.  My parents left Friday to Milwaukee for a trip to Puerto Vallarta. My mom was nervous about going since I had the CT and I told her "Don't be! It'll be just fine!"

My appointment was at 3:00 pm on Friday. It didn't last very long and I knew that I wouldn't get the results until Monday, since it was the end of the day and the weekend coming up.

I left after it, went home for a bit before needing to pick up the kids from the after school program.  I did some lawn work and then got into my car to leave. I saw I had a missed call from the hospital. I was shocked that I heard from them so quick! I thought they must have had some extra time on their hands! No scary thoughts ran through my head. I called back and they transferred me over to my doctor.

At this point, I'm just down the road from my work, stopped at a stoplight, and my doctor told me that they found a mass. They had me scheduled to go to Marquette on Monday for an MRI and meet with a neurosurgeon there.

I pulled into my work parking lot to process all this.

A mass.

I am in shock.

I just sit there, parked. Staring. A mass. Is this a dream? It can not be happening to me.

I hate the thought of calling my parents and give them this news. When I was 22 months old I had a benign brain tumor. I had a craniotomy then, stayed a few weeks in the hospital and everything was good. I went back for MRI's for the next 12 years. I know this was a big deal for them and my whole family. I was so young though that I do not remember it at all except a little of the MRI's I had growing up.

Finally I make the call and break it to my parents.  I can hear my mom panicking on the other end. I do not want them to cancel their trip! I can easily have a friend go with me on Monday. Nothing is going to happen in the meantime.

But they refuse and headed back home the next day.

I cant imagine what this is like for my parents. They went through all this once with me and now they have to do it again. But, I made it through the first time, so I'll do it again.

After telling to my parents, I went into the salon because I know my good friend Amanda is the only one left working. She had asked how it went and I said they found something. After her client left, I gave her more details and I finally broke down. I was so worried about my kids. What if they were left without a mom. Then, I had to pull myself together and go pick them up from school.

I was numb after that. The rest of the weekend I walked around in a daze. Not really knowing what was going on. My daughter Shaya was in a wedding. I spent saturday with a lot of people. Another good friend of mine, Joanne was there and she knew the news. I didn't want to tell anyone else yet.

On Monday, I had to be to the hospital early. Both parents came with me.

We go into the hospital and I get on a gown for the MRI. Before going in, I had to wash my eye makeup off because if there were any sparkles in it, it could mess with the MRI results. I also had to take every piece of metal off me. There was an earring of mine that I could not get out! My mom and I were panicking! And I felt stupid that we were holding up the MRI because of a dang earring! Finally I got it! Sigh of relief.

I had the MRI, it was loud! So many weird strange noises that didn't make any sense. I had to stay perfectly still for over an hour with cushions on the sides of my head and a strap on top of my head to help keep it still. Like I said earlier, I had many of these growing up, I couldn't remember the noise, but I could remember that I had to be perfectly still.

After that was done, we had time to go eat some breakfast before going back to the hospital to meet with the doctor and go over the results.

When we got back to the hospital I felt like we sat in the waiting room for so long before they finally called my name. Once we got into the room and went through everything with the nurse, the doctor came in. Doctor Rovin.

He was a quiet man. Very nice. He went through everything with us. He showed us the scan and you could see this big white "blob" on the right side of my head next to my ear.

It looked UGLY. It wasn't the size of a pea. It was huge. For never reading an MRI before, it was very easy to pick out the mass.

The doctor believed it may be an Acoustic Carcinoma.  Which is not a cancerous tumor. We breathed our first sigh of relief. I of course had done a lot of research over the weekend and this was one that I had read about and hoped that this was what it was.

The "beast"

He recommended us to a doctor, Dr. Kassam, in Milwaukee that specializes in the kind of tumor I had. My records were sent to him. Now, it was just wait for an appointment to be scheduled.

I Googled Dr. Kassam and just reading about him, he seemed amazing. I couldn't find a single bad thing about him. He was too good to be true! He was a reknown neurosurgeon who had just taken over the neuro unit at Saint Lukes in Milwaukee.

A few weeks later I finally got to see him. Those few weeks waiting for the appointment we were panicking. Of course we wanted to be seen NOW. But this is the beginning of us learning how to be patient when it comes to the medical field.  We wanted to be seen NOW! This is life or death for me. It was hard living life knowing that there is a tumor in my head that we know nothing about yet.  My Marquette doctor reassured us that waiting a month or so is okay for the next appt.

The day finally came. My mom was with me, we had stayed at my brothers apartment in Appleton the night before. He had just moved into this apartment and hadn't even stayed a night there yet!

When we get to the hospital, it was so much bigger then I'm used to. It was very nice and I liked the looks of it!  First I had another MRI. We had to follow a colored path on the floor and that took us to Diagnostics. Afterward, it was time to go to the doctor's clinic office. We had to walk across this long skywalk with a bunch of windows and go up a few floors. His office was very nice and so were his receptionists. We didn't have to wait too long in the waiting room. Once we were called back, we were introduced to a few different nurses. Some just sat in the room and took notes the whole time. Eventually Dr Kassam came in. He was a short man, very nice with a calm quiet voice. We then discussed our plan. The first thing was a brain surgery he was going to do through my nose to remove the tumor. It is called an Endonasal approach.  It sounded like a cool way to do it. It wasn't going to be like most brain surgeries where they cut into my skull. The hospital stay is just a couple days and the healing process is much better and quicker. We set the date for a couple weeks later! Dr Kassam also told us how much he liked Dr Rovin and that he had been begging him to come work with him.

The hospital. At the bottom, the glass windows are in the skywalk.

The endonasal approach - they go into the nose, remove the septum near the back of the nose and the bone in front of sphenoid sinus. By doing this they can reach the brain. The tumor is then removed with an endoscope. Once they are done, they reconstruct the skull base with septal membrane and that seals of the brain from the nose.

Before we left, Dr Kassam reassured my mom that everything was going to be ok. He grabbed her hand, looked her straight in the eye, and told her "this is nothing we can't handle".

My 30th birthday dinner

I dreaded turning 30. I never wanted to feel "too old" to do anything. My whole 29th year I complained about it. I now feel like this was God's way of teaching me a lesson to love getting older and not worry about my age. My Mom has always said getting old is much better then the alternative! And I now agree..