The other day we were 6 months out of surgery, and 7 weeks out of radiation.
My mouth, from radiation, is still horrible! It is better then it was 7 weeks ago, but it is no where near healed and I thought by this point I would be great. Or at least eating whatever I want by now. That is definitely not the case though.. I still drink only water. I have tested a few teas, hot chocolate and coffee. Most hurt. First few sips of it might be okay but then after that I am done and throwing it out. I did do a coffee yesterday and the day before and i actually got to finish it! I need to wait a long time to start drinking it though because anything too hot hurts too. Nothing with carbonation either. Food, I try to stick to soft solids. Nothing super crunchy or sharp. Nothing spicy. Nothing acidic. Nothing to smooth(like soup) because then it travels over to the "bad" side and it starts to sting. I can talk a lot better now then I could, but if I do too much that still hurts also! When I look in my mouth, it physically looks better, but the painful feelings are still there. It is basically a never ending nightmare.
I have recently cut down on my pain meds so that may be a reason I feel like my mouth has been hurting more then usual lately. Every now and then I do have a good day though. Two days ago I took two pain pills total all day. I used my numbing rinse many times but the fact that only two pills were taken is a good sign! I live off of the numbing rinse though! Anytime my mouth starts acting up I can swish that for a bit and then I'm good to go for a while!
Most of the swelling is gone. I have some in my cheek still but I imagine that it just needs more time like my mouth does, to heal.
I think it has been a few blog posts since I have updated you all on my facial movements and the nerves around that area. Some areas are moving so much more then they were and I am so grateful for that! My cheek moves a lot, my nostril moves and my top lip moves quite a bit too. My bottom lip moves some, but I think a lot of it has to do with my cheek pulling it into a smile! The lip itself is 100 percent numb to the touch. My eyebrow still has zero movement at all. Being 6 months out, I have a hard time believing that it is ever going to move. The other areas have had some sort of improvement and I believe that they can even improve more then where they are now. But I don't have that hope for the eyebrow. Sometimes when I get down about how my face looks, I try to remind myself that at one point, there was zero movement on that side AND my eye was stuck open! That is usually enough to help chipper myself up. We will see how my nerves react to the winter. In the beginning I only wore tank tops so nothing was touching my face or neck, but now I can do a regular neck shirt. We will see about scarves thought. They may be too much on my face... When I get the goosebumps, my teeth nerves freak out and they start to hurt. It only last about 30 seconds and then is gone, but think how often the goosebumps happen during the winter!!
My neck is still very tight when I turn to the left. My mouth also has a hard time opening real wide. I blame some of that on surgery, and some of it on radiation. One of my nurses recommended that I get some help from PT for both of these problems. They will show me some stretches to do and some massaging techniques. Both to help loosen the problem areas.
 |
| Incision is looking good, some swelling under my chin, and on my cheek still. |
Every two weeks I have been seeing my Marquette ENT and my ear is finally making progress! I do not need to keep cotton in my ear to catch any fluid. Every time I have seen him, my ear has been too swollen to actually see far enough inside to see what is going on. He wants to make sure the tube is in place. If not, that could be part of the reason why I can not hear out of that ear yet. But more recently we have seen progress. The last time I saw him he said he was happy with what he was seeing, not quite to the point he can see the tube, but a lot of healing has happened. And more recently, my ear will pop and I can actually hear out of it for a short while. So that is a good sign! Means it still works like it should. Two days ago, a different Doc looked in my ear and he saw the tube! I see my ENT in about 3 weeks, but part of me wants to call him up now and be like, Guess what!!!!
So, now onto my most recent appointments in Milwaukee. 3 weeks ago my Mom and I went down for my MRI. I had it the night before I met with my Doctors. It was another long one, over two hours. On our walk in the hospital to the radiology department we came across a sign pointing into a room that said "Brain Tumor Support Group". I wanted my mom to go sit in there and listen while I was in the MRI but she said no!
Anyways, the next day we went back to the hospital to meet with the Docs. I was 4 weeks out of radiation at that point and I believed everything was going to come back good. The docs had removed all of the tumor, I had radiation as a precaution. So chances are looking pretty good right? Well once again, we left there in a bit of shock. The Doctors said they were happy with what they had saw on the MRI, but of course everything on that side looks different because of all the surgeries I have had. They said there are a couple lymph nodes they want to keep an eye on. And after that they told me that they wanted me to get in touch with the head and neck oncologist. They feel I should further my treatment with them. I said, "Wait, you're saying that you think I should look into chemo?" And their answer was, yes. In my head at this point, I'm like, are you freakin kidding me!! I thought we were gonna come down for the scan and then hear, "Things look good, go home and heal and we will see you back in 3 or 4 months for another scan." Wrong.
We set up my next scan with them for the end of January and off we went. Not even ten minutes into the car ride home I had a call from my nurse and she had asked if we left the hospital yet. They spotted something in my temporal area and they wanted me to get a CT scan so they can have a better look at it. I had told her we were already headed home and I wanted to make it back for my sons last football game. We then decided that I would get the scan done at home and have it sent down to them. The doctors also decided that the end of January was too far away for the next scan and bumped it up to the beginning of January instead. GEEZE! None of this makes me feel too confident.
A few days after being home I had heard from my nurse many times, just getting my info and checking in to see if I had set up the scan. I did eventually and about a week after being home I had a call from Dr Taylor's office, head and neck oncology. The nurse was very nice and her name was Valerie! It was a Wednesday and she offered me a 9 oclock appointment that Friday, or a 2 oclock the next Friday. Being that it is hard to drop everything and go, I picked the latter one.
My mom and I had just been there the week before, so I told her I will see about bringing a friend with me this time so she doesn't need to go! My friend Stacy had been with me from the beginning and she is an easy person to travel with so I asked her and she was happy to come along! We left around 8 Friday morning and ended up getting there with over an hour to kill so we first ran into the beauty supply so I could grab some things for work and then we went to Chipotle to get some lunch. Both places are on the same road as the hospital along with our hotel.
When we got to the hospital we went up to the 9 floor. I can't remember if I had been in this office before or not. I did see Dr Howard, an oncologist there the first time so I think I may have been up there once but I don't remember. We were brought back to a room right away, but then waited almost an hour before seeing the doctor. I had read reviews on him and a lot of people first mentioned how amazing and great he is, and then said that they waited a long time in the office. So at least we were prepared for it! Once he came in though, he spent a lot of time with us. He had my files, which were inches thick! (I suppose that isn't surprising!) The nurses and anyone who popped in also mentioned that they recognized my name due to everything I have had done at that hospital. First thing he had me do was start at the very beginning and tell him everything. He wrote it down in his own notes and asked questions along the way. He also pulled up scans from previous surgeries as I was talking about it.
He explained that there are two small cancer areas in my temporal region. One is near my ear canal and the other is up a little higher. I am unsure if these were left from surgery, or if they are new growths since my last MRI.
After that was all said and done, he explained that they are going to take tumor samples they have from my previous surgery and run 4 tests on it in the hospital and send some more out for extensive testing. The tumor is being tested with different kinds of chemos and we will find out if the tumor responds to any of them. He explained that this will take a few weeks to get answers. And I told him I was good with that because I'd really like my mouth to be feeling better and get a little weight on before starting chemotherapy. Plus, it gives me time to prep and prepare myself for another round of chemo! He said that he doesn't see a problem with me being able to get the chemo done here at our hospital. I really like the idea of that - Milwaukee can still call the shots, but it gets carried out here. Less travel, especially now that winter is upon us, will be good.
That brings us to the present. I am not sure how I feel about it all. Chemo wasn't the worst thing in the world for me last time. I didn't enjoy anything about it, but radiation ended up being much worse for me. With chemo, I would feel bad for a handful of days after getting it, but then I'd feel good again for a little while until the next round. With radiation, there was no good days. It just got worse and worse every single day. The thought of doing chemo again doesn't scare me, do I like the idea of possibly losing my hair again?! No. I finally have hair that I can throw in a ponytail or do whatever with. Am I ready to lose it again, absolutely not. But, every chemo is different. There are hundreds of chemos out there. Some are IV's, some are pills. Some you lose hair on, some you don't. Some you can take at home, others in the hospital. Some you take daily, some are once a week. So it will all depend on what concoction I end up with. There is this new thing out there called a 'cold cap'. You wear these cold hats on your head while you are getting treatment and it is supposed to help keep your hair. The hat has to stay under a certain temperature the entire time though, so you have multiple hats on dry ice in a cooler, and you keep switching out the hats. What I have read from reviews is, that most people's hair gets thinner but they didn't lose it. I think it might be worth a try! Cold has some sort of affect on chemo because last time that I got it, I was supposed to suck on ice chips as I got treatment and that would help my mouth from forming sores.
So now we are back to the waiting game. Like I said, I am in no rush to get started with this. And in 1.5 weeks a couple friends and I are heading to Vegas. It was supposed to be a trip to celebrate being done with everything but now it has turned into a trip to have one last 'hurrah' before going back in for more treatment.
It is what it is...I guess I am a bit numb to this new news still. I don't really have a lot of feelings for what is going on right now. I thought I was going to be done, and I am not. I thought it was finally time to heal, and now it isn't. It is disappointing. And tiring...... 3.5 years I have been in this battle. I am lucky I had a break during the middle of it and I hope that I soon can have a break from it again. Could chemo be the last step in this round of fighting?
We will see what the future brings.
