The rest of my hospital time. End of November - beginning of December

Thankfully, that was the last surgery I had during this hospital stay.

My eye never did get swollen again. It slowly kept going down and returning to 'somewhat' normal. I started to put a little more makeup on some days. I still didn't get up and walk around very much.

yum yum!

Every now and then, I figured I should probably clean up. So, I would go into the bathroom, use bath towels to wash up and since my hair was starting to grow back, I'd sit on the toilet and shave my legs! My skin was so dry from being in the hospital, though, I hated getting it wet! I was so itchy and constantly loading on the lotion. I was allowed to take a shower if I wanted to, but I would need to have a baggy on my head to keep it from getting wet, a baggy on my arm to cover my Picc line, and also a baggy on my chest to keep my port from being wet.

How the hell do you take a shower with all that needing to be out of the water?

Definitely sounded like too much work to me. Plus I wasn't in there to impress anybody!

My parents came on weekends to see me. Usually, they couldn't come together. My dad came on his own once. I like to think we had a good time visiting. But it was always so boring in there! I felt like I should be entertaining these people that came to see me, but I couldn't.  I slept a lot. We would talk about news from back home.

Loved being able to see them

On the weekend of Thanksgiving, they brought the kids down with them. It was great to have everyone with me. My brother Kent was there too. My mom made a lot of food and we bought the rest at Boston Market. Everything was awesome! We played a lot of board games. Eventually, I would get really tired and need a nap so my parents would take my kids somewhere fun so I could rest for a while.

Kent is the best
Brother and Uncle ever!
So patient and fun for the kids

This time when the kids came to visit, I wasn't in the ICU, so it wasn't as scary for them. The halls were normal, with a bunch of closed rooms. They also knew what I was looking like, much better then the last time they saw me. I had been face timing them often, also. They were just happy to see me this time! They both were crying when they had to say goodbye. It was so hard because we didn't have a date that I'd be home. We couldn't say "I'll be home in ____ sleeps!"

The talk of me being able to leave was starting to come up. I was torn. I became so comfy in my room, eating, sleeping and watching shows, that I didn't feel the rush to get out of there anymore.

It became my safe place. I felt comfortable there. I had my routine and my nurses that I got to know so well.

But at the same time, getting out of the hospital meant one step closer to being able to go home to my kids. The kids were doing okay without me though. They were also in a routine at my parents house. As much as I hated to be away from them, I liked being able to see that they were doing okay without me there. If something happened to me, they would survive...

My set up.
Shaya let me take her blanket
 in the beginning and
I kept it with me the whole time.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I was told that I'd be wearing a helmet when I left the hospital. I absolutely dreaded that so I always pushed the thought out of my head. My mom would bring it up sometimes, but I'd tell her that they haven't said anything about it to me since the beginning. The fact that they let me walk around my room without one was actually surprising to me but I was not going to question it!

I actually had a nurse one day in the ICU that when he found out I didn't have part of my skull, he freaked out and absolutely would not let me out of my bed. He had to make all kinds of calls before believing that I didn't have a helmet yet but was allowed to get up. He could not believe it and thought it was unheard of.  Finally he let me up, but only to use the toilet in my room. With him in there. (Thankfully I never had him again.)

 Eventually though, the day came that my NP came in the room with the helmet. I took one look at it and wanted to run away. Hell no. There is no way I am going to wear that thing! It looked like a legit helmet without a face mask. She didn't make me wear it, so I threw it in a corner and never looked at it again. But in the back of my mind, I kept thinking that the day I leave here, I need to have it on my head.

I noticed that I was weak and got tired really quick whenever I got up to walk. I was losing all of my muscle. At one point a nurse weighed me (every couple days I was weighed on my bed) and I was down to a weight that I don't remember ever seeing. Not even in middle school.  I had a hard time believing it was true though. I could tell I was a bit skinnier, but not to that point. I always made sure I ate a decent amount each day, but its hard to be super hungry when all you're doing is sitting in a bed every day!

Each night I was still being woke up to get my vitals taken. They were good about letting me go 4 hours so I could get a good chunk of sleep at a time. The nurses would bring me water all the time and every now and then I'd ask for a pop as a treat!  Some stayed in the room and chatted with me for a bit. I hated saying goodbye because there was a chance that I wouldn't have some of these nurses again before I left.

I still had a few weeks of the IV antibiotics. The hospital got it all worked out so that the antibiotics got delivered to my aunt's house a couple times a week and a nurse would come in every few days to get my vitals and clean my Picc line for me. I was now okay with this and I was fine with staying at my aunt's for a while after I got out.

Throughout this whole time in the hospital, I had many MRIs. To the point that I lost track on how many I have had. I got to know the whole crew down there pretty well too. One guy, I see to this day and he remembers every time we were together. I was always wheeled in my bed down a few floors for the MRIs.

Sometimes, I felt and looked so awful that I just wanted to hide under my blanket. I'd just stare at the ceiling.  I was that person being pushed down a hospital hall that people look at with that sad face and are so thankful that it isn't them in my position.

Once and awhile, I'd have to wait in the MRI office with the techs before my machine was ready for me and I'd usually just curl up and close my eyes so I didn't need to make eye contact with anyone.

I had no hair, a swollen face, black and blue closed eye, stitches everywhere, and machines hooked up to me.

Besides the red toes that my aunt painted for me, you couldn't even tell I was a girl.

I like being able to see all of my old nurses and doctors now that I have hair again, no stitches and a non swollen face.

It's like saying, "Hello. This is me. You saw me at the worst time of my life."