May 2018 Lung answers, chemo pills and new scans

Hello all! Time for an update.  After the lung biopsy it took a while for me to feel normal again but I am now good as new! A few weeks after the biopsy I got a call from my Milwaukee doctors telling me that what is on my lungs is the same kind of cancer that was in my head. This is called a metastatic growth. Cancer cells from my brain traveled to my lungs.  It is what I expected to hear but it was still hard to hear it at the same time. I would much rather worry about one part of my body, not two! But I know we have these different chemos to start and I have faith in them working for me. 

About 6 weeks ago I started the chemo pills. A few we had to fight my insurance for. Most pills came through but one did not so my doctor ended up upping my dosage on the others to make up for the pill we lost.  I was really anxious and nervous about starting these pills because I wasn’t sure what my side effects would be. There was long lists for each pill but everybody is different and you are each affected differently. Some I took in the morning and some I took right before bed. The one before bed, I take two different nausea meds an hour before and hopefully by sleeping any nausea I would have, passes. Luckily I can say I was never nauseous on any of these pills. Some days I feel off and I felt tired most days but that was the most of it. I had many different skin problems though.  From rashes to zits everywhere, and my hair color changing to white! I had some face swelling too and a bit of peeling skin on my hands and feet. The peeling can turn to blisters which I was super worried about but it never got to that point.  Because I didn’t feel sick, I can handle these kind of side effects. But the last three weeks my white blood cell count was low and I was not able to be on any of pills. Luckily besides being tired, I really couldn’t tell that anything was different.

I just got back from being in Milwaukee for scans and I was able to see Dr. Kassam and Dr. Bobustuc.  When I first had this appt made, I was only seeing Dr Bob but I got a call a few weeks ago that Doc Kassam wanted in on it so he fit me into his schedule too. Dr. Kassam is usually in the OR on Thursdays but made it work to see me.  When we got up to his office, both doctors ended up in emergency surgeries! So we had to wait a while but eventually Dr Kassam came up to see us. We went over my head scans and I am happy to report that there was no change with them! He said he was worried about what he would see and was so relieved with the results! 

After we were finished with him, the nurses gave us some certificates to get food from the café and said Dr. Bob’s Nurse will call us when he is back in the office. We barely got down the hall and we got a call that he was ready to see us. Once in with him, he said there was a millimeter of growth on my lungs but that that is very little. He thinks that the pills are helping but we just haven’t had a chance to be on them long enough yet to really see what they can do. 

He changed up my doses and instead of taking them for a week straight, I am going to be taking them every other day for that week. And then I still get the next week off. He also gave me a few tips on things that support bone marrow growth such as beans, honey and red wine! This is to hopefully keep all of my cell counts up so I can continue on these pills consistently. He reminded me that I am the very first person to be on this mixture of pills so trial and error is what we will do until we find a dose suitable for me. 

Celebrated another birthday!

I was happy with the results of this appointment. Of course I wish there was zero change in the lungs but I also know I could have heard a lot worse than I did. My next appointment is not for three months and he even offered to switch it up where the next one is only a lung scan and then three months later would be a head scan since I have gone so long without change. But, I was too nervous to do that yet. So in three months we will do a scan of both the head and lungs and if that one comes back good then we can start spacing them out farther. Three months will be the longest I’ve gone in a year without a scan so I thought that was a good starting point! 

I am relieved that everything came back the way it did and that I can have a good, normal summer! Last summer I spent  recovering from two brain surgeries and went to Marquette for seven weeks of radiation.  Besides being on the chemo pills, this summer will be much better! I am happy! 

Time for summer at the lake!

March 2018 Lung biopsy

Hello! It’s been a while, time for an update.  My last post was info on the fact that I didn’t need to see the doctors for two months and they thought everything was was stable. It was a great feeling!

I did get a call a few days later from my neurosurgeon telling me to get an MRI done up here in 4 weeks since I was already getting a CT done then. I didn’t mind doing them because it’s like a treat to have the scans done here in town!  After having them I knew I’d probably be waiting a week or so before hearing any news. In the end, it was about a month before I heard anything! Between a miscommunication with where my scans were and then my doctor who reads the scans was out of town. But honestly I was okay with hearing nothing. I had good news in December and I wanted to keep that going. I didn’t want to hear something bad. I just wanted a break from everything. 

Luckily when I did get news, I was told there was no change in the scans. That was a relief! My next scans had been pushed out 3 weeks later then planned and I was starting to stress about them but thankfully hearing this news put me back at ease. 

I had talked about going to see my friend in Florida which I do most years. But my next scans ended up being scheduled the week that I planned to go, so I worked it out where I could go to my appts and then fly out from Milwaukee.

 My friend Jannelle that works with me came along on the trip. We drove down and I had my scans late Monday night. We were at the hospital for hours! My scans took forever. After that we went to our hotel and met my Aunt Liza for dinner. 

The next morning we had to be back for some blood work and then met with two docs. The first was the oncologist I had just started seeing in December for my lungs. He pulled up my scans and said that nothing had changed! Hurray!!  He said I have been the topic of conversation all morning! Between him and my neurosurgeon going back and forth about things.

He thinks we should keep things as they are. Since there is no change let’s keep watching and not put me through anything that isn’t needed until necessary.  I agreed, I liked the idea of doing nothing and coming back in a few months. 

But, then I went to see Dr Kassam. He had a crew of doctors in with him and wrote a big graph type thing on a board explaining how the head and lungs tie into each other. It showed every treatment we have used and all. He wants to come up a plan of meds we can use to fight this. To keep anything from growing.  He explained that the research they were going to do for me, isn’t something they can do for every patient because they wouldn’t have time for anything else. But being special to them, they are doing it for me! A lot of time is involved for research and fighting with insurance companies to do this.  

Dr Kassam also wanted to do a lung biopsy to see what we are dealing with. He doesn’t want to wait for it to grow, he wants to be proactive.  And as much as I didn’t want to do it, or deal with that, I knew he was right.  So the day after vacation, I was scheduled for the biopsy. 

I was bummed about this. The last thing I wanted to do was worry about another body part!!  It seems we finally have the brain tumors under control and now there is this. And I was looking forward to vacation but now the day I get back, I need to have this done, so it will be on my mind. I just kept telling myself to go and have fun, and not think about anything! And for the most part, I did just that! It would pop into my head at times but I did my best to push it out. 

Vacation was relaxing and great. We had great weather, it was great to see my friends, and we had a great time meeting new people and there were lots of laughs involved! If my kids were there with me, I’d say leave us here! :) Plus I didn't love the idea of heading back for the biopsy.

love my friends!

We flew back to Milwaukee early Monday morning. Right away we had to go to the hospital for blood work and to meet with my neuro-oncologist named  Dr Bobustuc.  (Dr Bob for short!) He has been around from the very beginning and now has a big part in deciding our plan of attack. He said he has done a lot of studying on it and he believes these pills are going to help me live a long healthy life! A few months ago I had some tissue left from a biopsy sent out to Foundation 1 for testing. We did not have any good matches but based off of the results and other research, Dr Bobustuc came up with 5 medications I will be trying.

 He explained it like this: when u look at a photo of someone, just by looking at their face, you can not figure out their personality. BUT - by looking at the whole picture - check out their hair color, the style of their hair, the clothes they are wearing, the pose they are making. Looking at these things, you can get an idea of their personality. The same for this cancer. Looking at it, there is no perfect pill. But by looking at the characteristics of it, there are many more options out there. And that is how he came up with this mixture. Some are forms of chemo and others aren’t. One is a pill used to help alcoholics stop drinking! I don’t know the reason behind each..but there is obviously a good explanation which I will find out over time! 

No one has had these 5 pills used together. I am the first....We will start with a very low dose of each and see how I react. I will take them for one week, then off the next week. We will play with the dose and eventually spread the weeks out to farther and farther between each use. 

3 of the 5 pills

I’m not sure how I feel about this. I like that they are all in a pill form, and that I can take them from home.  I will just have to go into our hospital for blood work every now and then to track my levels. A big question is how I will feel on all of these though. I know I am taking a nausea pill with one to fight an upset stomach. Some pill’s side effects talk of mouth sores again...oooh lord. There are many that come with each pill. The chances of getting some are high and others are low. We won’t have answers to this until I start them. 

Dr Bob said it will be a few weeks before I start. He is now dealing with getting approval from my insurance. They may give him a hard time since some of these pills are not made for my ‘problem’.  A few of them he already got approved for,  and one was declined so he is now making an appeal. Another we found out will cost me 400 bucks a month! We are trying to get that price down. And the others he is still working on.

That was it for appts on Monday. After that we grabbed fast food and went straight to our hotel. We had to be up at 3AM to fly out that morning so we were exhausted by this point and didn’t leave our beds the rest of the day! Haha. 

Early the next morning we were up for the lung biopsy. We had to get there a couple hrs prior to the procedure to prep for it.  No eating after midnight the night before. I was passed out long before then! 

Once in the room for the procedure, which was called a CT guided lung biopsy, I first had to get in a position on my stomach that I’d be in the entire time. So however I laid my head, it wasn’t gonna move again until done. That actually took a while for me to figure out because if I laid on my ‘good ear’ then I couldn’t hear, but if I laid on my ‘bad ear’ it would get uncomfortable real quick! Can’t go face down either... I came up with a position that was on my good side, but most of my ear wasn’t on the pillow so I could still hear! Lol. 

 Next came the first CT. This showed the Dr exactly where to go. Then a spot was marked on my back. After that I was given a calming med to help me relax and forget what was going on and a pain med to help with what was about to happen.  Next came the numbing shots on my back where the needle was going in. There were a few CT scans going on at times, I felt the needle go in, and heard some little clamping noises and I knew that was the cutting of the biopsy.  It didn’t feel good, but it also wasn’t the worst pain either. One more CT was done, then I was being transferred to a bed. 

My nurse told me I might need to cough and it is normal to see some blood. Sure enough, the second I started moving, I coughed and there was blood. Not a lot, but enough to make a gross face over. Haha. 

I had an X-ray done right away to see how my lungs looked. They want to make sure there isn’t an air leak or excessive blood. Then I can go back to my room for two more hours, get another X-ray and if that one looks good, we are free to go. 

Jannelle was a great nurse!

I was tired after this and my body, basically my chest, hurt every time I took a breath in. They told me that was normal and I’d feel better the next day. The nurse also said no driving, lifting, exercising and not to remove or get the dressing on my back wet for 48 hrs. 

2 hrs flew by and I had the last X-ray. They said it looked good and we were on our way!  But about 20 minutes into the drive, the Dr who did the biopsy called me and said they let us go so quick, he didn't get a chance to come talk to me. There is an air leak, which is small and should heal on its own, but if I get any more sore then I am,or if more blood starts coming up, that I need to find a hospital.  Well this made me worried! He told me before the procedure that this could happen but the chances were low. And of course it happened!

So here we are, 3 days out of this, and I still have a sore chest when I breath. This morning I was still coughing up blood too. Not a lot of pain, and not a lot of blood. But my nurse had told me I would be good as new the next day and that is not the case!  If I am feeling this way in a few more days, I will probably go in and get an X-ray here just for reassurance that everything is okay and starting to heal. 

the spot of the biopsy 

I should get biopsy answers sometime this next week. 

I feel like a lot has happened recently but I try to remind myself that nothing has grown. There are no changes and all of this is to prevent growth from happening.  Going through these things are to help keep me from needing to do anything more serious and to also help keep me on this earth for a very long time! 

Hope and Surprising News. Appointment Dec 2017

In the beginning of December I had another MRI, an appt with Doctor Kassam and another appt with Doctor Taylor to go over our chemo options. Stacy came along with me again and we got some christmas shopping in while we were there! We left a day early and drove to Green Bay so we didn't have to drive down one day and back the next. Stace and I always have a good time together no matter where we are or what we are doing so it is always nice to bring her along!

Sunday evening we shopped a bit and relaxed, Monday we shopped some more and then my MRI was scheduled for 6:30 that night. Stace hung out in the hospital while I was in the scan. Luckily Starbucks was open for a few more minutes when we got there so she could get something to drink! The scan ended up being two hours. I felt bad Stace was stuck sitting around for so long but she didn't seem to mind.

The next day I met with Dr. Kassam first. We were in the waiting room for quite a while before we got brought back and then in the room for a quite some time too but we entertained each other and that helped pass the time! I did know too, that I was squeezed in that day. I wasn't supposed to see Dr Kassam for another month and then they had decided to see me before the Holidays.  We were in a little examining room too. Not the usual room with the table and big computer. Stacy was excited to finally meet Dr Kassam! But once we were in this room, I wasn't sure if we would be seeing him and I asked the nurse. She wasn't sure if he would be coming in either.

killing time!

But sure enough eventually Dr Kassam and about 4 others came in. My radiologist, Dr Fukui was pulling up the scans on the computer and Dr K said I think you are gonna like what she has to say! She told us that they believe the spot we are watching is a side affect from radiation. They had talked with my radiation oncologist in MQT and it is in the exact area where radiation was done. The spot has not grown at all in the 8 weeks we have been watching it. (Since my first scan after radiation was over.)  And now that I think of it, my radiation oncologist had requested a copy of my scans, told me from what they have described, it is radiation that they are looking at, but he said once he got the scans and looked at them, he would call me if he thought something concerning was there. And he never called.  Dr Fukui also explained to me that the spot we are watching is much smaller then it looks to be on the scan. So both doctors were really happy about it and told me to go home and enjoy the Holidays and we will do another scan in two months!  I loved the idea of being able to wait that long before coming back! I did hear from him since the appt, and I am going to have an MRI done in a month, but that one will be done here.

See the little dark line by the arrow? It goes
across the whole blob. That is
where the area they are watching ends. I
originally thought it was that entire
white area!

Checking out the scans while
waiting to be seen!

Right away I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. I can't say I was instantly relieved, I needed time to process this new news. It was completely unexpected. I've said this many times but I feel like we come out of his office dumbfounded. Always hearing something that we did not expect. And this time, it was a huge positive thing that we heard! It was so great to hear that rather then another negative. Once we got out of that appt we had about 15 minutes to grab food from the little deli before heading up to the next appt! At this point, with the news I just heard, I was really hoping that that meant I did not have chemo starting any time soon.

We waited again for a while and then came in Dr Taylor. We went over my PET scan from  3 weeks before and the Foundation 1 testing they had done. The testing came back with a few things that I was compatible for, but none were great options. 5 of the 6 options were trial drugs and they were all in phase 1 of testing. That means that they have been tested on animals and next it would be tried on me. And only a handful of people even get to try them out. Usually under 30. The other was in phase 2, but he didn't go over that one with us and I'm not exactly sure why.  He must not have liked what it was all about. But in the end, he told me that since the Neuro crew is not worried right now, there is no point on treating me with a chemo right now if it is only going to make me sick. What exactly would he be treating me for if the brain tumor is actually just from radiation. Again, I was so relieved to hear that!

Then he went over the PET scan. One area on the scan concerned him. And it is actually hard to see on the PET scan so he pulled up the x-ray pictures I had done 3 weeks prior. My lungs. They have little spots on the outside of them. At this point they are too small to biopsy. In a month I will get another x-ray done (here at home), and then one more a month later before I go back down to Milwaukee for my next MRI. We will see if they have grown at all and will go over the scans then. It concerns him because they are round. Most infections or anything of that nature on the lungs, are not round. But of course without them being tested yet, he does not have a straight answer for me at this time. He did say, either way, they are harmless at this point.


SO. Here we are again. Playing the waiting game. The first few days after I got home, my lungs were on my mind a lot. I was so happy to hear the head news, but now I have this to worry about.  I wish I had NOTHING to worry about.  Even if it was just for a short while....  But at the same time, at least right now I am not worrying about my head and my lungs. I did take a huge step forward at this appt with just a baby step back.  We will cross that bridge when we get there. In this moment I am going to enjoy the fact that I do not need to get chemo, that I can continue to work and continue to get stronger. I have been doing my yoga and eating more. My mouth no longer hurts me! (Unless I eat something spicy or carbonated.) 18 weeks I had a sore mouth. Good thing I had no idea going into radiation that it would hurt for so long.  I was putting off planning my spring trips along with a lot of other things because I thought chemo was going to be happening.  So I just see it as a huge plus that I can keep on living my every day life. This appointment put some hope back into me! Even if it is just for the moment we are in.

Bad news and waiting for answers

Hello. I am a week out from my next appointment and I had one the day after I got back to town from Vegas. Vegas was great. I was able to forget about everything going on and I had a nice break from life.  It was fun, relaxing, warm and we had lots of laughs. I wish I was there longer!

I got to Milwaukee the day before my scans started. We had flown out of Appleton so it made no sense for me to head home when Milwaukee was even closer. The scan on Monday was a PET.  I got to sleep and relax Sunday when I got to my Mom's friend's house and after 5 that day I was on a special diet. Nothing with sugar, that includes carbs and no caffeine. They had a list of foods that I am allowed to eat. The morning of the scan I could only sip a little bit of water. I slept as late as possible because my appt wasn't until 1. Then we got ready and headed to the hospital. The scan itself isn't bad.It takes time, but a lot of the time is in the prep.  I first had my blood sugar tested and if it was under 200 then I could get the test. I passed. After that they injected the radioactive glucose that is in a metal jar through an IV. I sat for an hour while that flowed through my body. Cancer is attracted to glucose so the solution would make its way to any cancer in my body and it would then light up during the scan.  I am in a comfy recliner chair and I have a warm blanket on. After the hour, I can start drinking water and then I go into the scan. I have to lay still and the first part of my body scanned is from my chest down. I have to have my arms up over my head. This lasted about a half hour. Next is my head and neck, my head is in a little holder. This one is more comfortable because my body can be in any position, I just need to stay still. Once that was done I was free to go.

My Mom and I went out to eat with my two Aunts at a delicious restaurant that night, then stayed at my Aunt Liza's condo. The next morning we had to be out of the house at 5:50 so it was an early night to sleep!

That next morning I went back to the hospital for my MRI. I was in there for an hour this time so it wasn't too bad. Lately these MRI's have been 2 hours and that is getting too long!  Once that was done we walked across the street for some breakfast.  Then we went to Dr. Kassam's office and eventually got seen by him. When we saw him and his team, there were about 6 of them who came in. Dr Kassam told us that there is a tumor there, and looking at it on the scan, I thought it isn't small. He said it has not grown in the last 5 weeks since my prior scan.  He looked sad though, and told me that it is now in a very complicated place to operate. It is right on my facial nerve. So for now, there is no surgery happening. He said we will be doing chemo and radiation. This radiation would be cyber knife radiation. I had that one 3 years ago and I had no problems with it besides a headache the night I had it. He also said there are clinical trials and radiation beads that we can look into.

The white spot in the middle
is the tumor.

This appointment was two days before Thanksgiving and Dr Kassam kept grabbing my hand, he would tell everyone that I am very special to him. He said to have a good Thanksgiving and that he wants to see me in 3 weeks for another MRI. We will see if the tumor has grown at all.

Valerie, (the cancer doctor's nurse) was in on the appointment and she is going to make sure that I see Dr Taylor when I come down. He did want to see me sooner then that, but we still don't have the results from foundation one testing and I didn't want to go back down again in these 3 weeks that I am home. She did say that we are doing a chemo, but we just don't know what kind yet.

After that appointment I saw an ENT there. He was nice, but it isn't the same with Dr Corsten not being there. Then we went back to a room and Dr Kassam came back in to discuss the PET. He said that there is a spot on my lung, it could be a cyst though and we aren't going to biopsy it or do anything about that right now. He said besides the obvious brain tumor, he didn't see anything else. But now, any time I run out of breath, the spot on my lung pops into my mind.

I am struggling with the tumor news. I have always had the faith in Dr Kassam, every tumor so far, he has been able to remove. To hear him say that he might not be able to this time, is scary. I guess it comes down to hoping that chemo and radiation can do the job or shrink the tumor enough so that Dr Kassam can do something about it. But last time, chemo did nothing. I know that we are testing it this time, so the chances of chemo doing something will be better. And last time, the cyber knife radiation did do its job also. Fingers crossed.  I know a lot of people end up visiting a Texas hospital when they feel like they have run out of options. So of course I will be keeping that in mind too.

I constantly think about my kids. Chances are more real to me, that they might grow up without their mom. My kids have just been with their Dad for 5 nights. First, I thought this is too long. They need to be with me more because I might not be here one day. Then I think, maybe they should be spending more time with their dad because then when the day comes that I am not here, it won't be so hard for them to live with their dad.
Or my friends and I will talk about guys and dating, but in the back of my head, I think, I will probably never get married again or have more babies. I won't be on this earth long enough for that. And if I am, cancer will probably always be there and will I really find someone to marry me? Knowing cancer is there. Yes, I know, those people are out there. But-think about it-would you get into a relationship with someone who has cancer? The possibility of it ending short and in grief, is much higher then it is with a healthy person.
I think about my poor parents, and what it must be like for them. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to go through something like this with Shaya.
I think about how I need to clean out these rooms full of storage in my house so that one day, someone else doesn't need to clean up my mess after I am gone.

 I have always been super positive about all this, you guys know that. And I like to think that I still am, but these thoughts, pop into my head a lot more now then they ever have.

On the bright side of all this, my mouth is doing so much better. I am off of my painkillers, and I rarely use my numbing mouth wash. I have been able to eat a lot more food and each day is much more enjoyable now that my mouth isn't killing at all times. There is still a bit of healing to go, but it is now tolerable. There is also some face and neck swelling going on, but each week it seems to be a bit better.

I still can't hear out of my ear. But I am starting to think that I might not ever be able to hear out of it. This tumor is in my temporal area, but it is also on my auditory canal. That is part of your ear that is on the inside, near your brain. I can't help but think, that adds to another reason why I can't hear out of it.

So, that is about all for now. I have been struggling with all of this and thought writing it down, getting it all out, might help me feel better about it.

New updates, chemo talk and radiation recovery - November 2017

Here we are, beginning of November. I just got home from a trip to Milwaukee to see some doctors. I want to update you all on that but first I want to talk about radiation recovery and how I am doing since my May surgeries.

The other day we were 6 months out of surgery, and 7 weeks out of radiation.

 My mouth, from radiation, is still horrible! It is better then it was 7 weeks ago, but it is no where near healed and I thought by this point I would be great. Or at least eating whatever I want by now. That is definitely not the case though.. I still drink only water. I have tested a few teas, hot chocolate and coffee. Most hurt. First few sips of it might be okay but then after that I am done and throwing it out. I did do a coffee yesterday and the day before and i actually got to finish it! I need to wait a long time to start drinking it though because anything too hot hurts too. Nothing with carbonation either.  Food, I try to stick to soft solids. Nothing super crunchy or sharp. Nothing spicy. Nothing acidic. Nothing to smooth(like soup) because then it travels over to the "bad" side and it starts to sting. I can talk a lot better now then I could, but if I do too much that still hurts also!  When I look in my mouth, it physically looks better, but the painful feelings are still there. It is basically a never ending nightmare.


I have recently cut down on my pain meds so that may be a reason I feel like my mouth has been hurting more then usual lately. Every now and then I do have a good day though. Two days ago I took two pain pills total all day. I used my numbing rinse many times but the fact that only two pills were taken is a good sign! I live off of the numbing rinse though! Anytime my mouth starts acting up I can swish that for a bit and then I'm good to go for a while!

Most of the swelling is gone. I have some in my cheek still but I imagine that it just needs more time like my mouth does, to heal.

I think it has been a few blog posts since I have updated you all on my facial movements and the nerves around that area.  Some areas are moving so much more then they were and I am so grateful for that! My cheek moves a lot, my nostril moves and my top lip moves quite a bit too.  My bottom lip moves some, but I think a lot of it has to do with my cheek pulling it into a smile! The lip itself is 100 percent numb to the touch. My eyebrow still has zero movement at all. Being 6 months out, I have a hard time believing that it is ever going to move.  The other areas have had some sort of improvement and I believe that they can even improve more then where they are now. But I don't have that hope for the eyebrow.  Sometimes when I get down about how my face looks, I try to remind myself that at one point, there was zero movement on that side AND my eye was stuck open! That is usually enough to help chipper myself up. We will see how my nerves react to the winter.  In the beginning I only wore tank tops so nothing was touching my face or neck, but now I can do a regular neck shirt.  We will see about scarves thought. They may be too much on my face... When I get the goosebumps, my teeth nerves freak out and they start to hurt. It only last about 30 seconds and then is gone, but think how often the goosebumps happen during the winter!!

My neck is still very tight when I turn to the left. My mouth also has a hard time opening real wide. I blame some of that on surgery, and some of it on radiation.  One of my nurses recommended that I get some help from PT for both of these problems. They will show me some stretches to do and some massaging techniques. Both to help loosen the problem areas.

Incision is looking good, some swelling
under my chin, and on my cheek still.

My energy I have noticed has improved a lot more recently. I don't take naps during the day anymore. I can function even if I only end up with 6 hours of sleep the night before.  The most I work is still only 5 hours a day. I wish I could add an hour or two onto that but my back physically wont let me. I would love to start exercising but my mouth makes that impossible still. It either starts hurting, or the nerves in my mouth go crazy and that makes my teeth feel like they hurt. It's a slow process of recovery...gotta deal with one thing at a time and right now that is for my mouth to heal up. Because then I can start eating more, then I can start exercising, then I can start working more. It is like a chain reaction!

Every two weeks I have been seeing my Marquette ENT and my ear is finally making progress! I do not need to keep cotton in my ear to catch any fluid. Every time I have seen him, my ear has been too swollen to actually see far enough inside to see what is going on. He wants to make sure the tube is in place. If not, that could be part of the reason why I can not hear out of that ear yet. But more recently we have seen progress. The last time I saw him he said he was happy with what he was seeing, not quite to the point he can see the tube, but a lot of healing has happened. And more recently, my ear will pop and I can actually hear out of it for a short while. So that is a good sign! Means it still works like it should.  Two days ago, a different Doc looked in my ear and he saw the tube! I see my ENT in about 3 weeks, but part of me wants to call him up now and be like, Guess what!!!!

So, now onto my most recent appointments in Milwaukee.  3 weeks ago my Mom and I went down for my MRI. I had it the night before I met with my Doctors. It was another long one, over two hours. On our walk in the hospital to the radiology department we came across a sign pointing into a room that said "Brain Tumor Support Group". I wanted my mom to go sit in there and listen while I was in the MRI but she said no!

Anyways, the next day we went back to the hospital to meet with the Docs.  I was 4 weeks out of radiation at that point and I believed everything was going to come back good. The docs had removed all of the tumor, I had radiation as a precaution. So chances are looking pretty good right? Well once again, we left there in a bit of shock.  The Doctors said they were happy with what they had saw on the MRI, but of course everything on that side looks different because of all the surgeries I have had.  They said there are a couple lymph nodes they want to keep an eye on. And after that they told me that they wanted me to get in touch with the head and neck oncologist. They feel I should further my treatment with them. I said, "Wait, you're saying that you think I should look into chemo?"  And their answer was, yes.   In my head at this point, I'm like, are you freakin kidding me!! I thought we were gonna come down for the scan and then hear,  "Things look good, go home and heal and we will see you back in 3 or 4 months for another scan."  Wrong.

We set up my next scan with them for the end of January and off we went.  Not even ten minutes into the car ride home I had a call from my nurse and she had asked if we left the hospital yet. They spotted something in my temporal area and they wanted me to get a CT scan so they can have a better look at it. I had told her we were already headed home and I wanted to make it back for my sons last football game. We then decided that I would get the scan done at home and have it sent down to them. The doctors also decided that the end of January was too far away for the next scan and bumped it up to the beginning of January instead. GEEZE! None of this makes me feel too confident.

A few days after being home I had heard from my nurse many times, just getting my info and checking in to see if I had set up the scan. I did eventually and about a week after being home I had a call from Dr Taylor's office, head and neck oncology. The nurse was very nice and her name was Valerie! It was a Wednesday and she offered me a 9 oclock appointment that Friday, or a 2 oclock the next Friday. Being that it is hard to drop everything and go, I picked the latter one.

My mom and I had just been there the week before, so I told her I will see about bringing a friend with me this time so she doesn't need to go! My friend Stacy had been with me from the beginning and she is an easy person to travel with so I asked her and she was happy to come along! We left around 8 Friday morning and ended up getting there with over an hour to kill so we first ran into the beauty supply so I could grab some things for work and then we went to Chipotle to get some lunch. Both places are on the same road as the hospital along with our hotel.

When we got to the hospital we went up to the 9 floor. I can't remember if I had been in this office before or not. I did see Dr Howard, an oncologist there the first time so I think I may have been up there once but I don't remember. We were brought back to a room right away, but then waited almost an hour before seeing the doctor. I had read reviews on him and a lot of people first mentioned how amazing and great he is, and  then said that they waited a long time in the office. So at least we were prepared for it! Once he came in though, he spent a lot of time with us. He had my files, which were inches thick! (I suppose that isn't surprising!) The nurses and anyone who popped in also mentioned that they recognized my name due to everything I have had done at that hospital. First thing he had me do was start at the very beginning and tell him everything. He wrote it down in his own notes and asked questions along the way. He also pulled up scans from previous surgeries as I was talking about it.

He explained that there are two small cancer areas in my temporal region. One is near my ear canal and the other is up a little higher. I am unsure if these were left from surgery, or if they are new growths since my last MRI.

After that was all said and done, he explained that they are going to take tumor samples they have from my previous surgery and run 4 tests on it in the hospital and send some more out for extensive testing. The tumor is being tested with different kinds of chemos and we will find out if the tumor responds to any of them. He explained that this will take a few weeks to get answers. And I told him I was good with that because I'd really like my mouth to be feeling better and get a little weight on before starting chemotherapy.  Plus, it gives me time to prep and prepare myself for another round of chemo! He said that he doesn't see a problem with me being able to get the chemo done here at our hospital. I really like the idea of that - Milwaukee can still call the shots, but it gets carried out here. Less travel, especially now that winter is upon us, will be good.

That brings us to the present. I am not sure how I feel about it all. Chemo wasn't the worst thing in the world for me last time. I didn't enjoy anything about it, but radiation ended up being much worse for me. With chemo, I would feel bad for a handful of days after getting it, but then I'd feel good again for a little while until the next round. With radiation, there was no good days. It just got worse and worse every single day.  The thought of doing chemo again doesn't scare me, do I like the idea of possibly losing my hair again?! No. I finally have hair that I can throw in a ponytail or do whatever with. Am I ready to lose it again, absolutely not. But, every chemo is different. There are hundreds of chemos out there. Some are IV's,  some are pills. Some you lose hair on, some you don't. Some you can take at home, others in the hospital. Some you take daily, some are once a week.  So it will all depend on what concoction I end up with. There is this new thing out there called a 'cold cap'. You wear these cold hats on your head while you are getting treatment and it is supposed to help keep your hair. The hat has to stay under a certain temperature the entire time though, so you have multiple hats on dry ice in a cooler, and you keep switching out the hats. What I have read from reviews is, that most people's hair gets thinner but they didn't lose it. I think it might be worth a try! Cold has some sort of affect on chemo because last time that I got it, I was supposed to suck on ice chips as I got treatment and that would help my mouth from forming sores.

So now we are back to the waiting game. Like I said, I am in no rush to get started with this. And in 1.5 weeks a couple friends and I are heading to Vegas. It was supposed to be a trip to celebrate being done with everything but now it has turned into a trip to have one last 'hurrah' before going back in for more treatment.

It is what it is...I guess I am a bit numb to this new news still. I don't really have a lot of feelings for what is going on right now. I thought I was going to be done, and I am not. I thought it was finally time to heal, and now it isn't. It is disappointing. And tiring...... 3.5 years I have been in this battle. I am lucky I had a break during the middle of it and I hope that I soon can have a break from it again. Could chemo be the last step in this round of fighting?

We will see what the future brings.

Finished radiation! September 2017

Going into radiation I had no idea it would be so hard and so painful for me. I knew there were chances that I may have some mouth pain and be very tired or have some redness on my face. But it is beyond what we expected it to be. I have had a very hard time eating. First it started with the mouth sores - the whole right side of my mouth: my cheek, my tongue and throat hurt. I don't have little sores, like a cold sore, it is a big white area of tissue that is 'burnt' by radiation. So to talk hurts, to eat hurts, to swallow hurts.  Eventually, my taste buds were affected and I can barely taste anything. And then, the last two weeks of radiation I had nausea and some vomiting to go along with it. By this point, I was barely eating anything. It hurt to eat, nothing tasted good because of the taste buds, and on top of that I was nauseous, so I was never hungry or liked the idea of even eating.  There were many days that I ate four bites of food and that was it.

As the weeks went on, I got more and more tired. Many times I took two naps a day and I was asleep very early. I had issues sleeping at night though, every two or so hours I would be awake and it took a little while to fall back to sleep. 

My face started getting pinker and pinker on the right side.  Like a sun burn. It also swelled up along with under my chin. My cheek is very warm to the touch, and I feel like every bone on the right side is throbbing. Luckily, the burn did not become raw or have any open sores besides a little spot in the back of my ear. 

This picture shows the redness, the
swelling and hairloss in back.

This was one of my last days and
as you can tell the swelling
was horrible.

After some trial and error, I figured out two things that helped my mouth feel better.  One was something they call 'magic mouthwash', which is a cocktail of medications that include lidocaine, I would swish it in my mouth and then spit it out. It would numb up my mouth for ten minutes or so. I did this before I would eat any meals -  and sometimes many times throughout eating just to get some food down!  At any point throughout the day when my mouth would really start to hurt me, maybe if I had talk to too much, I would use it then too. The other thing that helped me more than anything, was painkillers. For the past six weeks I have lived 24/7 off of painkillers. The painkillers have caused some digestive issues and it also affects my sleep. I can't wait to get off of those! Hopefully that will come soon!

The drive was not so bad! The more I did it, the quicker it seemed to be. Some days I'd go alone and come straight back. A lot of days I had friends and family come with. And a few times I stayed at my brother and his new wife's house. It all went really well and I was so lucky to have great weather, it only rained a few days.  I keep saying I need to make many trips back down to Marquette because there was so many good foods I had seen that I wanted but couldn't have!  It.  Was. Torture.  I swear, when my mouth is better, every lunch and dinner is gonna be a huge meal from a different place! I have so many recipes saved of food that look delicious too. I told my kids I am going to be making all kinds of things this winter! Haha, I have been deprived for SO long!! Food kind of puts a spell over me right now! -  Ohhh that looks so good! What are you eating today?!? Look at these desserts! Yum that smells so good! Ugh, I wish I was eating that!! 

It has been hard.  I am not gonna sugar coat it. I'd rather go through chemo again (minus the hair loss) then to do this radiation again. With chemo I would have one week of feeling horrible but then I would get a good week before having another bad week. With radiation, I had NO good week. Each week was horrible, and if anything, the next week was even worse then the week before. Talking was so hard along with eating. I had meltdowns, moments where I was mad at the world, times were I would just cry. I wanted to be knocked out and woke up sometime in October when it was over. Obviously that couldn't happen and all I could do was get through each day. I tried to not think about anything and just get through it. I would look at the end date and watch it get closer and closer.  And finally, that day came. 

My radiation techs were all amazing. I had 4 girls that worked with me everyday. They always asked how I was, what I had going on that day, who came with me, how my kids were.. I had two nurses that worked with me every Tuesday. I had my vitals taken and they made sure my health was good enough for radiation! And Dr. Baer was great. I really liked him and he was great at working with me and offered me any resolution he could possibly come up with to make things easier for me. 

I am 1 day out of radiation. I have so much relief that the drive to Marquette every day is over. I feel horrible still and I know I won't start to feel better for at least another week. I won't even feel like radiation is over for a few days, right now I feel like it's the weekend. I also had four days off over Labor day weekend so I feel like it will be day five before I actually feel like I am done with radiation.  It will be nice to work now and not have already drove to Marquette and back earlier in the day! I should have more energy for work, and possibly not need a nap before I go in. 

I am now six days out of radiation, and it's so nice to not be doing the drive! I feel like it finally kicked in that radiation is over and I can get back to normal life. It's so nice just going to work every day and not having been to Marquette already! I still have a very sore mouth. I honestly can't say anything in my mouth has improved at all yet. I do think my pink cheek and the swelling has gone down a little bit though!  I am still very tired, but I purposely put myself on my work schedule for the afternoon. That way, I can get the kids on the bus in the morning and then go back to sleep for a few hours. I am not sleeping any better yet either so going back to bed in the morning is a must!  I work anywhere between 2 and 5 hours a day. I try to aim for 3 days a week but I've actually been there 5 days the past two weeks! It is hard to say no to getting my client's in and I love being back with my girls and making money! I also have many things I want to do and places to go! And I need money for that! :)  I am really looking forward to the end of this week. I feel that by then, I should see some minor improvements on my mouth. Whether it's just that my taste buds are back, or maybe some of the soreness is gone. They said my second week out, is when I should start seeing a difference. 

Here we are on day 9 out of radiation. I am on my way to my cousins wedding in Chicago with my parents!  I am very happy to report that I have had some small improvements in my mouth! I can actually finish my morning bowl of malt-o-meal; before I gave up part way through because my mouth hurt too bad. I have to use my numbing meds before and during eating and now I usually don't have to do one or the other anymore. The pain is less then it was and I am thrilled!! Of course I wish I was 100% for being in Chicago this weekend, but I am happy to be where I am now and not where I was at the beginning of the week. I'll take it :)  I am still tired, but I know it will be some time before I feel energized. As long as I get my sleep, all is good with that.  And then my swelling is still there, but slowly keeps going down.  My pink skin is almost completely gone already!

I am now 15 days out and I expected to be feeling better then I do. I still have the mouth pain. Yes, it is better then it was a week ago, but I feel like not a lot has changed this past week with it. It still hurts every time I eat and it is just frustrating. I have read it usually takes 4 to 6 weeks to heal. I guess I was hopeful that it would happen sooner!  I am eating more then I was two weeks ago but I am still losing weight. I thought that adding more food in would help that but I am also more active now being at work many days a week... my taste buds are coming back! I can taste more salty things now. The sweet taste buds still aren't there. Hopefully in a few weeks things will all come together and get a bit easier. I still have fluid draining from my ear. I had an appointment today with my ENT and there is still so much swelling going on that it is impossible to see inside. I will go back again in another 2.5 weeks and hope the swelling has gone down so they can see what is going on. 

In less than two weeks we will be heading to Milwaukee for my next MRI. I believe that it is going to come back great. My doctors removed every bit of tumor there was and then I had the radiation as a precaution. So after this up and coming MRI, I should be back to having check-ups every now and then and that'll be it! My crazy 5 months will come to an end and I can move on with my life again! Best. Feeling. Ever. 

Radiation Progress - August 2017

Radiation has started! I have done three weeks of it now. I wasn't looking forward to doing that drive everyday, but my Mom made a comment early on that stuck with me. She said that I need to think of this as my job. When I look at it that way, it isn't so bad. This is 5 hours out of my day. I need to go down, get the radiation and then I can come home, or stay and get food, do some errands...whatever it is that I feel like doing that day. I've gotten to know every corner and every little town along the way. If anything, the drive seem to be getting shorter and shorter as I get more familiar with it. 

This week I have had partners but prior to now I was going alone. It was peaceful, I'd listen to music and cruise. I usually get a coffee, sometimes before, but usually when I get down there and then head straight to radiation. I'm fine with doing the drive alone, I am more worried about having someone to watch the kids then I am about having a partner in the car. I take Shay with me usually once a week and she was fine with it, we turn it into a girls day with lunch and a little shopping.  She doesn't like the drive so she wouldn't want to do it everyday! Rease is now old enough to stay at home alone but Shay is not. So friends and family have been great at helping out with her!

Once I am done with radiation for the day,  I usually will grab food, maybe run into a store and head home. I have not spent a full day down there yet. I am getting tired by this point and I just want to get back to the kids. Rease now has football so I need to get back to get him there and I am also working a tiny bit and need to be back for that.  Plus I know I'll be making the same trip down the next day! So I have plenty of opportunities to check places out. If I can't get somewhere one day, I can always go the next. 

When I pull up to the hospital I park in this lot that has designated parking spots for us in radiation. Then all I need to do is cross the street, go inside, take a left and walk through the radiation oncology doors. It's very convenient that they have easy access to this unit. It would definitely be more of a pain to walk into the hospital and go to a different floor. 

I have a little pass that sits in my
car for proof of getting radiation.

The fancy doors to enter the radiation unit.

Once in there, I walk down the hall and take a left into the waiting room. In the waiting room is about 8 chairs, some coffee and a bathroom with 2 changing rooms.  

I change into a gown right away. I can leave my bottoms on but my top half comes off because it would get in the way of the mask.  Then I go sit in one of the chairs and wait my turn! Sometimes they call me back right on time, and the longest I've waited is only 15 minutes. 

While waiting I have gotten to know quite a few of the other patients. I have yet to find one close in age to me though.. one is a sweet lady from Mohawk who is fighting uterine cancer. She stays in the hospitality rooms at the hospital with her husband. She only has two days left! Another is a man who also has a brain tumor. He has a glioblastoma.. the kind my Aunt had. He lives in Harvey and his wife or one of his daughters bring him. He only has 5 days left! There are a few other people I have gotten to know a little bit but these two families I see most days. It all depends on if our times match up! 

I had preferred a 10:30 appt so I can be back home at a decent time and still take the kids to Twin Lakes or something. But after doing that time, I am exhausted and need to come home and take a nap before going anywhere.  For 10:30 I need to be up at 7 something, to leave about 10 minutes after 8. (Construction has held me up a few times! Don't want to risk it.) So I had asked if we could do around 11:30 next week. That way I don't need to wake until 8 something and that should help a bit! My sleep has been very off. I am tired, and fall asleep easily at night even after taking a nap, but I wake up many times during the night. I'd love a solid 5 or 6 hrs stretch...

When it is my turn for radiation, I get called back by one of the nurses. We chat about our day as we walk to the radiation room (I see the same 4 girls every day), one of them grabs a warm blanket for me, another is setting up the table for me. I have a chair with a mirror and I set my purse on it and then I make sure I have my headband off and no earrings or a necklace on. 

Next I go lay on the table. There is a little clear plastic holder for my head. I have a pad and pillow that go under my legs, I make sure that I do not have my legs crossed, and then the warm blanket goes on me. We pull the gown off my shoulders and it rests across my chest. One of the girls give me this little rolled up piece of gauze (that they make every day), it goes in my mouth on the right side to help protect my teeth. 

The table I lay on and the
radiation machine.

Now it is time for the mask to go on. They slowly bring it down onto my face, making sure they have it lined up right. Once it is on, they snap it into place along the edges of the table I am laying on. If we are lined up right, the mask is snug but does not hurt. If my position is a little off, my right eyebrow, that is titanium, gets sore from being pushed on.  After this the girls make sure the table is in the right position, they call out a few numbers, and then leave the room. Right outside the door is a bunch of computers and a camera so they can watch and hear everything going on in the room I am in. I want to say the next 4 minutes, the machine is lining up to where it is going to be that day. Usually my table moves a bit too. Then I hear a little beep, and that is when radiation starts. The other day I counted how long it is:  58 seconds. That is it.  I drive 2 hrs, for a minute of radiation. Shortly after the radiation is over the girls come back in, take the mask off, take the gauze that was in my mouth and lower the table. I hop off, grab my things and we walk back to the waiting room. 

I had the girls take a picture of me once
the mask is on. 

I am done with radiation for that day and I'll see them the next!  I go back into the changing room, get the gown off, put my headband on and head out. I say goodbye to all of my new friends in the waiting room. 

When I get in my car I put on a tinted moisturizer that has spf 30 in it. I have to be super careful in the sun. I am usually starving at this point so I go find some food. 

The side affects I will deal with from radiation are a sore mouth, tiredness and my skin color on the right side of my face will change. Sometimes to a tan color but mostly people end up with a bright red sunburn look. I just purchased a makeup for my face that people use to cover tattoos up, so I know it'll cover up the bright red skin once I have it! I figured I am better off by being prepared. 

Now that I'm three weeks in I am feeling the side affects. Like I said earlier, I have been napping everyday but still fall asleep easily at bed time. I am to the point that I can not make it through the day without a nap. And I am getting tired earlier and earlier in the day. By about 2 o'clock when I am usually heading home from Marquette is when it starts to kick in. Before I could at least make it back before getting tired. 

My skin is slightly pinker on the right side then the other side is. It isn't very obvious yet but I can tell it is definitely changing. Some people end up with an actual burn look that peels. I hope my poor face doesn't have to go through that. I am starting to swell on the right side too. I usually have marks on that side of my face from my mask and I didn't have that the first two weeks. And under my chin, there is a lot of swelling going on too. 

The mouth sores - I started having problems with this way too soon. They say it shouldn't kick in until about 3 weeks into radiation, but I started having problems a week and a half into it. That is a bad sign because it can get pretty bad if that is the case.  The top of my throat on the right side feels like I have strep throat, and my tongue and right cheek are super painful too. I have a white area on the right side of my tongue and my right cheek. It is damaged tissue from radiation. It hurts to swallow, hurts to eat any food, and it even hurts to talk. Some days are worse than others. It depends on how much I am talking if I am on top of taking my meds.   The other Sunday it hurt so bad that I went into the doctors and got a rinse with lidocaine in it. It helps numb it, but really only masks the pain for maybe 20 minutes. That Monday morning I was so miserable that I decided to try a painkiller and see if it helped at all.  It actually gave me more of a relief then anything else had! It only helped for about an hour, but that is better then anything.

Every Tuesday I meet with my radiation oncologist and I told him about the pain and he said I was doing everything right.  Which includes using a special toothpaste from the pharmacy that my dentist prescribed. A rinse of salt, baking soda and water. (This rinse helps clean your mouth after eating anything and can help keep the sores away, You use it MANY times a day.)  And then I have the numbing mouth rinse too.  There really isn't anything more he can do for me. He wrote me a prescription for more painkillers and that is all that can be done. 

The three things that come
everywhere with me.

Eating is really important while going through radiation. Nutrition is what helps heal the mouth sores, keeps you strong and keeps you from getting sick and run down during this process. While getting radiation your metabolism can speed up by 15%.  So I am having a difficult time right now because my mouth hurts so bad and I can hardly eat anything. Here is a what a few days of eating looks like for me right now: one day was 5 bites of eggs and a bowl of creamy soup, another day was soup and a nutritional shake. I then figured out that about 45min after taking the painkiller is the best time for me to eat and I now have been able to ear a bit more -  the insides of a roll, cheese quesadilla cut up REALLY small, mashed potatoes, mac n cheese. Nothing can be very hot and has to have zero spice in it. It can not be acidic either, so nothing with tomatoes.  And nothing chunky or hard. I am slowly figuring out new foods though.

I was able to eat these, but only
half the pie, and a third of the
noodles! That took about 45 min
too. 

Some people end up with mouth sores so bad that they need a feeding tube. I really hope mine does not get to that point. I am trying to stay positive about this but having a sore mouth is really hard to deal with! If I knew it was only going to be a few days that I had this, that is one thing. But it can last through radiation and up the about 6 weeks AFTER... the only time I don't think about it is if I am by myself and not eating! Because every time I talk it hurts. And every time I eat it hurts. I can't even talk normal anymore because any movement of my tongue, hurts. 

Two weeks ago was a crazy week for me, I don't know how I managed to get through it! Not only did I drive to Marquette everyday for radiation, but my daughter had her birthday and birthday party, my brother got married  (that included a rehearsal dinner, doing wedding hair and wedding nails), I had two doctors appointments, my car got hit (not bad, it is still drivable..) and one of my best friends had a serious medical condition that almost took her life.  I don't know how I made it through that week. Sometimes I wonder if I am a robot just doing what I need to do?! You'd think I would have had a breakdown at some point. But I guess I had zero time for that! Lol. 

My gorgeous family at Kent and Alyssa's wedding.

This week is much more calm. I have friends and family coming with me to MQT most days, no other doc appointments, my friend is recovering at home, no longer in the hospital and I have yet to call my insurance for my car but I will get around to that soon.  I am grateful that my painful mouth did not kick in until the end of that crazy week! It would have been much more difficult to get through it.    

I am starting to go into work a little bit here and there. I had a close client of mine get married and I promised her I would still be able to do her hair for her wedding. The weekend after that was my brothers wedding and I did a lot of hair for that too.  I have a few more weekends of wedding hair.  It has been a good way for me to get used to being in the salon again. I am going to start working about two days a week for a few hours and then as the weeks go on, I will start to add more. 

I don't want to push myself since I am in radiation and if anything I am going to be getting more tired and miserable as time goes on. But there is a part of me that feels like I need to get back to work some too, plus I am running low on money so that adds to the decision to work! Lol. I am trying to find a balance between it all. I also want to enjoy these last few weeks with the kids before school starts. 

So right now, I am just chugging along, trying to make it through everything . The radiation is definitely taking more of a toll on me then I thought it would. I hadn't experienced this kind of radiation before and it is a lot harder then I expected it to be. For me, I think it is almost worse then chemo was. My nurses have told me though, that this radiation, is one of the worst ones to have. The side affects are very harsh. Yup! I can definitely say I agree with that!

But this too doesn't last forever. I keep telling myself that. I am almost half way though, and I just need to keep going. 16 of my 35 days are done. If this is what I need to do to keep the cancer from coming back, then I am going to do it.