Tuesday, October 4, 2022
Oct 2022- 3 months into trial
Ugh. I’m okay. But like, I’m just a little okay? Haha. I’m so tired from the med, it’s hard to get through my day. And yes I have the GoFundMe me but I hate the idea of canceling all of my clients as I’m booked into November. I’m so close with my clients, it’s not just random people. How do I even pick who to cancel? If a client does cancel, I try not to fill that spot and make my day shorter.
My body is so itchy and dry. Everywhere. The dryness is now worse then the itch.. my skin feels like paper, it’s so rough snd scaley and like, cracked. So most movements I feel. (And yes I’ve tried a ton of different products.) And when I say feel, it feels like it’s going to rip. If that makes sense? I don’t know, kind of hard to explain.
Those three things - hairloss, fatigue and dry skin- are the main things I’m dealing w. Luckily I’m not nauseous, but I don’t have much of an appetite. I’m trying to eat plenty but my weight is dropping and I’m getting back to that yucky skinny look.. (I just added some protein shakes to my Walmart order.)
My eyes are also so dry. Mayo has been meaning to get me in for another eye appt because of being on this med, but they are so busy and the times have not worked out! The plan is to be seen in Nov as of now. Which I go this coming Sunday to Mayo for vitals, so the Nov appt is less then 5 weeks away. Also the Nov appt is when I get my scans. And if spots are growing, I’m done w this trial. If things are stable, I’ll continue. So that’ll be interesting to find out. Definitely will have anxiety leading up to those scans. Of course I want this to be my miracle drug and work at shrinking spots, but that also means continuing on this med! It will be worth it if areas are shrinking though.
Sorry this was such a long message! Ha. I haven’t wrote it all down before, it’s quite a lot I guess. I should probably write up a blog post.
Maybe if I have enough eyelashes left and can get some lashes back on at my appointment today, I will feel a little more human. Hopefully.
I have a few hairs left on my head, so I will continue w the topper which needs hair to clip into, to hold it on. But once my new wig comes in, it’s definitely time to shave what’s left off. There is barely any there and what’s there, is still falling out.
I’m so thankful hair and makeup disguises it all. But when I get home and take it all off, I’m like yiiiikes. Don’t look in the mirror. And my poor kids need to see me like this. I don’t know what they are thinking.
But I’m also okay. I get through my day. I relax before and after work. I still smile and laugh each day. I’m still here for my kids. I’ve made this daily life doable for me right now.
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| t takes a lot for me to post this picture. But I’ve always been very open in my blog. This is me WITH a little makeup in my eyebrows. I look sickly. Gross |
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| Although it takes a lot of work, I am so thankful for makeup and hair. At least I can look and feel a bit more normal with it on. |
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Your beautiful no matter what keeping being strong your kids need you!!❤️
ReplyDeleteOh Val, no matter what you are so beautiful inside and out. Your a great Mom and your kids know it. We all love you and wish you didn’t have this battle to deal with.
ReplyDeleteI think about you so often! You and my sister are 2 people that showed more strength then I knew existed in people. Prayers and hugs ❤️
ReplyDeleteYes. I think of her often as I read Val's posts. Valerie! You are One Amazingly Beautiful Girl! Always in our Hearts and On our Minds for that "Miracle" You so Deserve!
DeleteYou are an amazing woman Val! Prying for you always 🙏🙏
ReplyDeleteThere are no words. I wish I could relate more to make you feel less alone. With that being said, know you are NOT alone. You have so much love and support around you. And we're all willing to help in anyway we can, so take advantage whenever you need and ask for help. We love you, Val.
ReplyDeleteVal you are a beautiful person inside. outside and so very brave! You are always in our prayers🙏
ReplyDeleteYou are so strong Val! Thank you for sharing! Thinking about you and praying for you!
ReplyDeleteVal! Your amazing in every way❤️ Your strength amazes me always! You are in my daily thoughts and prayers 🙏🙏
ReplyDeleteYou are so strong and inspiring ! Praying for you daily!
ReplyDeleteSending you love ❤️ and prayers 🙏
ReplyDeleteYou are so beautiful. Please don’t ever forget it. Stay strong Val❤️ You got this!! Tell yourself that twenty times a day. I’ve got this, I’ve got this, I’ve got this.
ReplyDeleteAlways praying and thinking of you! I know your kids are thinking wow, look At our bad ass mom take on another massive hurdle, what a hero we have who never loses site of her biggest fans. I hope the lord shines his light and let's this be the one that works. You deserve all the happiness and joy in the world. You are such an inspiration and truly the definition of strength and risiliants! God bless to you and your loved ones,
ReplyDeleteSending big hugs wish I could wave a wand to make it go away!
ReplyDeleteOh Val! There are no words!! I am here seriously if you need anything!!!! I mean it! ❤️🙏
ReplyDeleteHang in there! ❤️
ReplyDeleteSending prayers 🙏🏼To you Val you are one tough cookie! Amazing and strong! ❤️
ReplyDeleteVal you are forever in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDelete