Scars, meds and an ENT appointment - October/November 2016

I have scars everywhere. I used to hate them, and want them to be hid, but I now don't care about them at all. They are battle wounds. There is a story that goes with every scar.  It makes me who I am.

I've had a scar hiding in my hair line since I was 22 months old from my first craniotomy. The only people who knew about that one is if I had told someone, or my hairstylist. It was so easy to hide it, I almost couldn't find it myself sometimes!

I had stitches on the back of my leg when I was 11 from falling onto a log that had broken branches sticking out of it. That scar, is a big circle but it's on the back side of my knee so I don't see that one and forget it is even there!

These are the two scars that I grew up with.

When I had my children I had c-sections and have a scar from that too, but of course that one is hidden also!
So for most of my life, my scars were out of site-out of mind.

Then, the cancer happened!

The first scar I got was my port incision on my chest. There were two spots opened but one was so little that the scar is almost impossible to see.  The other, had to be opened to put the port in, and then reopened to remove the port. That is probably my most visible scar for the world to see. Anyone who has gone through cancer, or has someone close to them who went through it, knows what that scar is from. We all have it. (Anyone who has a port, that is.)

Before and after the port came out

Hatd to see but there is a dot above my finger

Looks pretty light here, much pinker in real life!

The next scar I got was from the craniotomy. The doctors said they were going to go over the same incision I had when I was young. But this time it was brought down to the bottom of my ear.  After every surgery due to the infection and needing the titanium plate, the incision was reopened. The left and top of it is pretty skinny still, the right side is very thick and very close to my hairline now. At first I never wore my hair in a way that the scar was visible but now I am to the point of not caring! And it makes good conversation for anyone who asks about it! The incision near the bottom of my ear did heal really well though.

This side of the scar looks great. Skinny and hard to find

This is the thick side. As you can see, not much hair between my face and the scar

The scar going down the front of my ear looks great!

And sometimes the scar is visible depending on my hairstyle that day.

I also had at least 8 tubes coming out of my head. When they are taken out, staples were always put in. They tubes left decent size circles on my head. Some are on the top, some on the side.

One of the drain tube scars

I had a fat graft taken from my stomach. It is about 4 inches long. I've never heard of one being done like mine. Others that I know that have had one, have an incision that is not even an inch long and removed the fat like they do with liposuction.  This scar is in a crease of my stomach except for one end that swerves down. Depending if I have a tan or not makes it more visible.

 

The fat graft since healed

I have a scar on my inner arm from my picc line. This scar wasn't very big, and it was shaped like a circle. Since then, I've had a tattoo done on that spot and the scar is covered by it. So that one is camouflaged! My cousin Jill had wrote a cute saying on a piece of paper and posted it on the facebook. I loved the saying and decided I wanted that as my "cancer" tattoo.

  

  

"Feed your faith and your fears will starve"  

After I was out of the hospital I had the spot on my forehead removed that was basil cell carcinoma. The scar is there, but it healed really nice and unless you're looking for it, you won't see it.

 

As a precaution after all of that cancer, I had a mole removed on my chest. It luckily, was not cancer. It has only been about 6 months, so I think over time the scar will get better looking, but right now it is still pink, and kind of hard.

 

Port and mole scar

My daughter had a mole on her calf that I wanted removed because it just didn't look right to me. And after everything I went through, I felt it was much better to be safe then sorry.  When the results came back, it had abnormal cells in it, so they had to go back, remove even more around it to make sure they got it all. She was 7! The thought of it becoming more made me sick.  Her skin is so perfect and it has not even had many years in the sun. I was shocked! And so relieved that we were proactive and had it removed.  The calf is a hard area to have stitches. The skin is so tight, and every step she took, moved it. So she has a nice big pink scar from it, but now she is just twins with her mom. :)

I haven't had many discussions about the meds I have been on and figured I should touch on that subject.

When I found out about the mass I was put on an anti-seizure medicine right away. Seizures are hard on the body and if you have one, you can not drive for a while after that. I couldn't possibly not be able to drive! I took that pill religiously.

During chemo I was on many different meds, four were for nausea, two liquid meds for my mouth sores, a shot to boost my blood cells. The nausea pills saved me. I had very few upset stomachs. Nothing cured the mouth sores but the two meds did help it and the second time around was a lot easier because I was able to start the meds right away.  There were times I was antibiotics for different reasons and steroids too.

When I woke from surgery and had my nerves going crazy on my face I was put on a med to calm them. I was on that medication for over a year along with the seizure medicine. I had no problem starting either of the meds. I didn't feel any side affects at that time from it.

During my hospital stay, I was on the antibiotics the entire time. After getting out of the hospital, around New Years, I noticed my fingers near my nails (cuticle area) were very sore and some were red and swollen. Puss would come out of them. My pinkie went through it twice. My mom said "get to the doctors"! It was an infection of some sort so we wanted that figured out right away. I went into the doctors and was put on a medicine to counter-act the antibiotics. My body was having a reaction from being on them so long. Just a few days of being on the pills my fingers felt so much better. But after that I did lose my pinkie nail and it took over 5 months for that to grow back!

In May when I had the titanium plate put in I was put on another antibiotic to prevent any infection after surgery. I had no problems with that one. I was also on steroid meds after every surgery to prevent my brain from swelling.

Finally summer, a year ago, I was allowed to get off the seizure and nerve med. I was so excited to not be on any pills anymore!

Sadly, I was having bad withdrawls from getting off the nerve med. It can cause depression, insomnia, night sweats, headaches, muscle aches, vision problems. I had all of the above. I wasn't myself at all. I was happy being at home and doing nothing. The spark in me was gone. I didn't want to be around people and any chance I had to take a nap, I would do it. Many mornings it was a struggle for me to get out of bed. If I needed to smile I would, but it was hard to even do that.  I had an appointment with my doctor and while there, she decided to put me on an antidepressant. I had a really hard time deciding if I wanted to go on this. I had just been cleared of meds and here I am, about to start a new one that I need to take every day.  I was also scared of all the side affects. I held on to that bottle of meds for over a month before I finally bit the bullet and took it. But, it slowly made a world of a difference for me.

I also get anxiety attacks. The med I am on has helped with those and I have about one a week, which is much less then before and now I can feel my body fighting it off so it isn't as bad. It comes and goes pretty fast. I do have another med on hand if I need to help calm down these attacks.

It so frustrating dealing with both of these things. I never had any issues with this before cancer.  Trying to live knowing that there is possibly cancer still inside me is hard enough, but I never thought I'd have these kind of problems to go along with it.

 I try to put on a brave face and just smile everyday. Fake it till you make it right?!

The left over meds.

Last week I had a check-up with my ENT that comes here from Marquette. I see him every 6 months to make sure the tube in my ear is still doing what it should. I have had no issues with it and my hearing has been great so I figured all would be fine. I was right, everything looked good. While there I brought up my sinus infections that I am constantly having. He said that they are normal to have after sinus surgery. Little pockets are made in the sinus cavity and snot gets trapped in it but if I try to us a Neti-pot daily it will help keep everything cleared out and I shouldn't have as many issues with it. So I guess its time to give that a try! I go back in another 6 months to see him again.

Waiting for the ENT to come in, hoping I don't get something shoved up my nose!

So for now, all is good on the home front! My appointments all came back great and I have until March when my next MRI check up is. In the mean time, I'll just keep living life and try to enjoy each day!